Toddler sleep coach

[Tiredbuthappydaddy]

Hi everyone

We’re looking for recommendations for an experienced sleep coach who specialises in toddlers.

Our 2½-year-old goes to bed around 6:45–7pm but regularly wakes between 3:30am and 4:30am, with wake-ups gradually getting earlier. He will sometimes drift back off but needs constant reassurance from us to do so. He’s also starting to drop his daytime nap, although this doesn’t seem to be improving his night-time sleep.

It’s becoming increasingly exhausting for the whole family, so we’re keen to get some professional support.

Can anyone recommend a good sleep consultant who offers one-to-one guidance?

We’re near Southampton but happy to consider remote support. Personal recommendations and experiences would be hugely appreciated.

Thanks!

6.45 -4.30 am is almost 10 hours of sleep per night which is normal. Have you tried a later bedtime?

My 2.5 year old still naps 2 hours a day and so goes to bed between 9-9.30pm, sleeps until 6.30. This is normal in my birth country, i think it's a very English expectation for a 2 year old to not nap and go to bed extremely early but it does not suit every child.

My son was doing the same with later bedtime at this age

My 2.5 year old is usually asleep at 8pm, wakes 6.30, max one hour nap (usually none). I think your bed time is too early, especially on days with no nap. Try gradually making bedtime later by 15 minutes at a time. Cap the nap at 1h.

I haven’t got any recommendations for a sleep coach, sorry @Tiredbuthappydaddy. If I remember correctly though there is a chapter on early waking in the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers.

Another thing to consider is if they’re warm enough. People naturally start to stir around 3am as it’s often when it’s the coolest part of the night.

Has the HV had any input too? When my DC1 was a baby they ran a Sleep Clinic.

One thing they suggested to my DF who was having very similar troubles to you was to ditch the idea of 3 meals and 2 snacks and offer 5 or 6 small meals instead.

Her LO started sleeping through from the first night of doing this.

I found this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust helpful too

I don’t think it’s that h usual. 4.30 is an early wake but his bedtime is early and 5am is quite normal for a toddler, so if you pushed bedtime back he might go to 5am.

If he was consistently sleeping from 6:45pm to 4:30am, that would be absolutely fine. The issue is that it’s often 7pm until 3:30am, and recently he’s been waking at midnight or 2am, with different patterns of needing reassurance to get back to sleep.

His 4 year old sister also sleeps from 7pm until 6am, so pushing his bedtime later would potentially impact her sleep too. We’d like to avoid that if possible, as sleep becomes a whole-household issue rather than just his.

We’re also noticing some daytime behaviours that may be linked, so I wanted professional advice to make sure we’re doing the right things to support his sleep. It may be that this is simply the best routine for him at the moment, and if so, we’ll work with that. I just don’t know until we’ve spoken to someone who specialises in it.

Any recommendations on a professional sleep coach would be much appreciated.

Different kids have different sleep needs and need different routines. It may be that they need different bed times.

My son has never needed much sleep. I find it odd people accept adults can have varying sleep schedules but kids can’t. I do think that’s a very early bedtime though.

The bit where they drop their nap can be narly, and then it passes.
Having children who need different bedtimes happens. From experience, you only really have a few years where you get child free evenings(if you’re lucky) and then they start going to bed at the same time or later than you.
Having an early riser is grim, one of mine did a full 2 years of 4 am wake ups. But that usually passes too and one day it’s 9.40am and you’re the only one awake.

I can highly recommend. Good luck x

https://www.thesleeplady.co.uk/

If you’re seeing some behaviours in the day which might for part of a pattern when you add in the sleep issues, then it might be worth doing the following progress checkers:

Speech & Language UK

30 month Ages & Stages

and the 30 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

the first one will tell you if they’re warm enough need support with communication. If they do you’ll need to ask your HV for a referral for a hearing test and SaLT.

On the second one, it’s perfectly normal to score grey in 2 areas. Anymore than that, or if they score black in any area, I’d want a referral to a Paediatrician.

With the third one the scoring is here. Basically though if they’re in the grey I’d want to HV to make an appointment to see him again in 2 months. If he’s in the back she should automatically refer you.

I know that sleep might be your most pressing concern right now but many Sleep Consultants are untrained and use methods that are not evidence based.

If you have sleep problems and concerns about his behaviour o really would recommend going through your HV.

What’s his behaviour like in Nursery/Pre-School?

Your expectations are quite unrealistic. It seems odd you think some quack who couldn't be arsed to get a proper job and qualifications will somehow make your toddler sleep 12 hours a night, when most toddlers really don't sleep that much per night. Good luck.

@10cupsofcoffeeplease

I think you’ve spectacularly missed the point, although you’ve managed to demonstrate exactly the sort of contribution that makes parenting forums so entertaining.

I’m not looking for a miracle worker to make my toddler sleep 12 hours. I’m looking for advice from someone who might help us understand his sleep, feel more settled and, ultimately, be a happier, more comfortable little boy.

There’s quite a difference between wanting a child to sleep for an unrealistic amount of time and wanting them to feel safe, secure and well rested.

If your idea of contributing to a parenting support forum is belittling parents who are asking perfectly reasonable questions, perhaps it’s your expectations of what a support forum is for that need a little adjustment.

But thanks for the good luck. We’ll take that over the unsolicited lecture.

Hi, this is very familiar territory for me. I have two children aged 7 & 3 and have worked as a sleep coach for a couple years now. I would consider dropping their nap, my 3yo showed early signs of dropping her nap at 2. I would usually suggest dropping by 2.5yo gradually swapping it out for some quiet time. A bag of toys they never play with or something new that’s engaging but not overstimulating.

That 3.30am waking is brutal, I really feel for you – we've been through very similar with our three-year-old, including the needing-reassurance-to-settle-again part, and it just grinds the whole household down.

One thing that helped us more than shifting bedtime was keeping the wake-ups really boring and predictable. Same short phrase, a quick cuddle, then back into bed, lights low, no chatting or playing. It took a while to click, but once ours knew the middle-of-the-night routine wasn't going to turn into anything interesting, the wake-ups got shorter even if they didn't vanish straight away. A picture schedule for bedtime helped ours too – bath, books, bed, same order every night – because knowing what came next seemed to settle them.

I get why a later bedtime feels tricky with his sister sleeping 7 till 6 – we had the same juggling act and didn't want to fix one child's sleep by wrecking the other's. If you do go down the coach route, I'd ask what training they have and how they work with toddlers who wake for reassurance, rather than just a set plan. And since you mentioned some daytime behaviours too, it might be worth a chat with your health visitor alongside it – in our family, with autism and special-needs stuff in the mix, looking at sleep as part of the bigger picture rather than on its own made a real difference to the advice we got.

Hope you get some proper sleep soon, it really does wear you down.

Before you spend money I’d really try a later bedtime for a few weeks. That’s very early for his age; especially on days he does have a nap. Mine is 2 and her sleep needs within 24 hours are only 10-11 hours.

I do agree with all of this. As you’ve mentioned some behaviours in the day, as well as asking a Sleep Coach the questions mentioned here, which are excellent suggestions, I’d also ask what experience they gave of low sleep needs toddlers with possible ND

Sleep coaches are con artists. Anyone can google child sleep and then meet parents and suggest a sleep schedule and do cry it out. They literally have no expertise, it’s all smoke and mirrors

They really are; Theres no qualifications. And recently many have been exposed as giving unsafe sleep advice for babies, like sleeping on their tummies. Vast majority of the time they advise to do later bedtime / less day sleep as most parents expect more sleep than their kid needs