What has worked for you?

[Tireddddddd]

Hi all,

I have 2 DC, 2.5 and 7 months old. My husband works very unsociable hours and we have very limited support (I.e nursery two days a week for eldest and mother in law can pop in on the odd ocasión to give a hand).

To say it’s been hard would be an understatement. I have found this (still finding) mentally and physically exhausting. As a result, I have developed an autoimmune condition which is often triggered by stress… so bearing in mind we can’t make any drastic changes like moving closer to family support/husband getting new job/payfor extra nursery days- do any of you lovely mums have any advice on realistic ways to destress/look after oneself whilst juggling it all? Has anyone got a tried and tested method? Maybe a hobby? Something that you find helps calm your nervous system?

Thank you in advance ❤️

Sadly, no. And once baby was on the move (same age gap) it was so so much worse for a year as they baby kept trashing the toddler's train track etc.. At least you have nursery a couple of days a week!
Things that helped me:

• being outside was so much easier than being at home. So we went out for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon.
• partner was also working long hours and would be home for about half an hour when they were awake. But I did hand them over for at least twenty mins of this.
• cleaner once a fortnight
• dog walker once a week
• didn't bother at all with a routine for the baby. She slept when she could, in the carrier mostly. In the evenings I wasn't going to piss about trying to get her to sleep by herself, she stayed asleep on me until bedtime
• talking of bedtime, I would be in bed by 8.30pm. No point trying to eek out energy I didn't have
• big days out are easiest. The zoo etc that takes seven hours was a dream. As above, avoid time at home.

It's really hard, no way around that. But it does get better. It feels a long way off. But mine now play beautifully together (after a year of trying to stop the toddler killing the baby when she went for his toys). By 2.5 and 4.5yo having two kids makes sense. Until then, proplus, cream based puddings and wine are your friends. And a quiet corner to cry in.

@Gingerbreadseasoniscoming hahaha your last sentence made me laugh out loud!!

thank you for the brutal honesty and sympathy, much appreciated. Trying not to wish time away… but cannot wait for them both to be older so they can at least entertain each other.
Were you crazy enough to ever consider a 3rd?! Or did the short age gap traumatise you enough 🤣 (I’m definitely the latter btw!)

I think make your home as calm as you can. Don't watch kids TV. Don't buy noisy toys. Don't have any sweets in a cupboard. Make it low stress.
Try to train them onto things that are calm. Sit with them and do loads of colouring whilst listening to calm music. Watch gentle documentaries instead of hyper kids TV. Practice simple yoga as a family. Cultivate favourite films you watch on repeat. Learn rhymes. Play calm games.

In terms of hobbies for you, art, gardening, cooking or craft are all mindful and can be done slowly and calmly.

Oh gawd we did consider a third...but both decided we could summon up zero extra energy to cope. We were in energy red zone for soooo long. And that was with NT mostly easy kids (minus trying to kill each other and terrible sleep. And poor eating. And speech delays. But other than that, the dream 😂). I couldn't risk the third having any additional needs - it would have tipped us over the edge. Plus I was already refereeing way more than I was qualified for - if it was constant two against one dynamics I would happily have walked off a cliff.

I find a routine really helpful, but that's not to everyone's taste.

I would look at shifting the nursery sessions from two full days to four half days if possible. If you can possibly squeeze another half day I'd go for five mornings. This gives you and the toddler predictability, which I think helps!

I'd then have a standard routine after nursery, ideally the baby naps and the toddler either also naps or has a bit of quiet time/TV time so you get a bit of time to chill. The toddler will have been suitably entertained and socialised at nursery that you can let them watch a bit of TV guilt free.

You've then just got the afternoon to get through. I'd have used the morning while the toddler is at nursery to prep dinner so that's ready to go and then I'd have set trips out/activities for each afternoon so you don't need to think about anything. Get home right before dinner, feed them, bath them, put them to bed.

If changing the nursery days isn't an option then I'd still have a plan as above, but I'd build in a morning trip out (same thing each week for ease), then home for nap/quiet time and out again in the afternoon.

Ime toddlers (and even babies) thrive with a routine. It also takes a lot of thinking pressure from you. It's still hard work but the more you do it the more you refine the routine and each trip becomes easier and more efficient. Predictability is psychologically comforting to adults too!

I'd also say have as few toys out as possible so you don't feel overwhelmed with stuff, it's quick and easy to tidy and you can rotate toys to keep the toddler interested.