can’t keep doing this

[KuromiCats]

i just feel like i can’t keep doing this every day, every day is utterly exhausting. people say it gets easier once they start school but it doesn’t, i find it harder, the ridiculous rush to get out of the door every single day, my son has just been diagnosed with adhd he doesn’t sleep at night and im running on empty, im physically and utterly exhausted. then still have to wake up and the mad dash to get out of the door, when the morning comes i feel like i have had no sleep at all and im genuinely questioning whether i can do this anymore. the weekends and half term are better and feel more relaxed as there is no mad dash to get out as soon as i wake up. i really don’t know how much longer i can do this, he is on melatonin it isn’t working (it helps to get them to sleep but doesnt keep someone asleep) im at the end of my tether, has anyone been in this situation and what helped?

Hello x. I feel you. I don't have kids but I can recognise that you are massively stressed.

What can you do right now to destress?
Deep breathing?
Stopping your brain from catastrophising?

Have a look at the food he is eating and reduce stimulants.
Get on top of your morning routine - starting the morning stressed out is no good to man nor beast.
When he has got off, you then also have a morning chill routine, even just for fifteen minutes.

Because the train doesn't stop and you can't get off.
You have to learn how to ride.

No advice, but just to say I hear you. I was told it gets easier too and in some ways it does but in other ways it def doesn’t.

I find the mornings stressful too, my 5 year old keeps waking up in the early hours, getting out the door is so stressful.

I’ve been there OP. What helped? For me it was getting up earlier. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I saw it on here as a tip and it does work. I got up earlier just to have a cup of coffee and my food in quiet. It just prepared me for the day.

I also started getting my child up earlier, which in the beginning obviously wasn’t easy. Having that extra time in the morning made so much difference. I think it also helped him sleep earlier in the evening (although my ADHD DS isn’t medicated at all so appreciate that may make a difference).

The old-fashioned sand timers helped us as well, a different coloured one for each task. And keeping to exactly the same routine every morning. Every morning I would remind my DC of the timings. Practice and consistency helps.

it doesn’t matter what time we wake up, he won’t sleep at night no matter what, i’ve tried it all, i’ve been to sleep work shops, i’ve been to the sleep clinic, he never feels tired i can’t cope on no sleep its genuinely affecting my life

We had the same problem with Melatonin initially. We asked to try slow release Melatonin and that did the trick.

i genuinely don’t know how i can cope on even less sleep than im already getting, i can’t even clean my house or cook dinner because im so bloody tired every day. i dread the mornings and long for a weekend or holiday where i dont have to deal with schools

@KuromiCats do you have anyone to share the load with, a partner?

Even just having a block few hours of uninterrupted sleep helps.

I really feel for you. There is a reason that they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture

thank you, and no it’s just me sadly

I would focus more on getting him to leave you alone so you can sleep. Can't he stay in his bedroom when he can't sleep, play with toys or read books? It's fine if he isn't tired but at this age they needed to starting learning not to be selfish and impact everyone else in the house

What is he doing when he’s not sleeping? Walking you? Wanting what?

that’s what I would work on. Staying in his room, reading, listening to audio book - yoto is great. Drawing? Lego? Not screens. Not waking you

get a clock a gro clock style. Then set it 10pm-5am something like that. In that time he is not to wake you unless it’s an emergency. If he does - consequence.

sleep deprivation is an actual form of torture.

he stims, he does stay in his room but due to his stimming i can hear him and it wakes me up

Ear plugs? White noise?

yeah i have some but i need to hear my alarm in the mornings as well. i really wish i could sleep through it

The bit about hearing him stim through the wall really struck me, that's such a specific exhaustion, being woken by sounds you can't even ask him to stop. With no one to share the load, it might help to take the thinking out of mornings: same five steps in the same order, written on a card by the door, so there's no negotiating when you're running on empty. Have one short line ready for refusals, something like "shoes now, then telly," said flatly and repeated rather than argued with. It won't fix the sleep, but it might claw back a bit of that dash feeling.

thanks, it’s just so difficult, i really don’t cope well with lack of sleep, i dream of a day to myself purely to just sleep. the school run is the hardest part i feel. im happier when its the weekend thankfully not to long to go.

Can you take a day of annual leave and sleep while he is at school

i’ve done that when absolutely desperate but it’s hard to sleep in the day (for me anyway) and i end up waking up feeling grumpy and irritable

Have you found the SN Children section yet OP. I think the posters on here are being lovely but you may also get some support on that section

I got some sleeping tablets from the GP eventually (Zopiclone)
My DS is the same, he's 13 now and wakes every night, I was starting to get vertigo and hallucinate.
They are strictly for emergencies, but it makes me feel better just knowing I have it.