Adult Daughters

[SwedishDancer]

This may seem trivial but for the past few years I’ve been trying to get my writing (short stories and novel) published. I’ve had quite a few successes with competitions and have been published 3 times in online magazines. My problem is that both my daughters - 25 and 27 - are adamant that they’ll never read my stuff. They’re uncomfortable because i sometimes refer to sex. This is true but it’s always part of a deeper story and is never in any sense graphic, just a necessary part of the tale. I’m happily married to their dad and all of my characters are made up so the stories are not about me. It really hurts me that they won’t read even my published pieces. They’re both independent career women living away from home and what hurts is that they don’t want to see me as an independent woman as well. I’ve had many jobs but now I’m retired writing is my life and I’m good at it. I’ve been so supportive of them in their careers and all I’m asking is that they read some of my stuff so that they get to know more about me as a writer, not just their mum. They get very sensitive if I bring it up and say they need boundaries. This hurts as it feels as if they’re saying I’m toxic. Am I overreacting?

Congratulations on your success! That's great you're following your passion and getting somewhere with it.

Having said that, yes I think you are over-reacting and I think wanting your daughters to get to know you 'as a writer' is a bit of an ask... They should be supportive 'oh that's great mum, well done' but requiring them to consume your creations which may be completely not their taste and make them feel awkward is a bit much. They might hopefully be interested once they get a bit older and mature a bit? 25 and 27 year olds can be pretty selfish and only see things in their very specific (fairly narrow) view of the world.

I'm a musician, releasing music for 15 years and relatively successful. My sister has never listened to anything I've made because it's 'not her thing'. My mum also has never independently gone to listen to anything (though I think my other sister has played her something). I cared at first, but now I don't.

Slightly different scenario but my aunt is a writer, published quite a bit but I just can't get on with it. I've tried a couple of times and I don't enjoy reading the material, she also refers to sex occasionally and whilst I'm not generally a prude, I do get the ick knowing my aunt has written it!

But I try to be supportive in other ways.

DH is a writer and I’ve never read any of his books.

I’m not unsupportive, I just don’t want the pressure - what if I don’t like them! This is my issue, he’d be totally fine if I had critical comments, but it stresses me out.

Everybody knows that their parents have sex but nobody wants to think too much about it.

I've got a 24 year old daughter. If I asked her to read something that I had written which included sex scenes, she would be squirming with embarrassment. To be fair, I would be exactly the same with my mum.

You're being really weird about this. It's their choice to read or not read anything

so that they get to know more about me as a writer,

Most people likely have zero interest in other people's hobbies. I wouldn't expect my husband to get to know more about me as a beekeeper or whatever.
Enjoy your hobby without trying to make other people feign interest.

I am a published author and my DH doesn't read my work. He doesn't like fiction and the fact that I wrote it doesn't change things for him. He is still proud and supportive, though. Why on earth do your kids have to get to know you as a writer? If you were a brain surgeon, would that have to get to know you as a surgeon? We are many things to many people and to your kids you are Mum and that is enough.

Nor is there anything wrong with them not wanting to read sex scenes you have written. It would give most kids the ick and its not wrong to draw a boundary there. They are not saying you are toxic and yes, you are overreacting. How is not reading your writing a refusal to see you as an independent woman?

You're massively overreacting, yes.

Firstly, it's enough for them to be proud of you, which I'm sure they are. They don't need to read your work. Why do they need 'to know more about you as a writer'? It's your hobby. They know you write. They don't need to know your creative process.

Secondly, of course they don't want to read what their mother writes about shagging. Most people would find that weird and uncomfortable, to be honest. Most people really don't want to know their close family's inner thoughts about sex.

FWIW, I write fiction as a hobby. I'm currently writing a novel and if it's every published I'll be telling my mum and siblings not to read it, for exactly that reason.

Appreciate all comments. Just to be clear I don’t write about sex in every story and it’s never in any way descriptive. But I get what people are saying. Very helpful.