I thought I would feel 'done' with two children...

[peoniesandprosecco]

So I am about 6 weeks post partum with my second (so this could be why this is on my mind) they were a much wanted baby and we had always said that we wanted two and that two felt right for us, and we were lucky enough for that to happen. In the back of my mind I keep thinking 'just one more'. I know this is mad because I am so lucky to have had two healthy pregnancies and two wonderful C-sections. I am also 40. So in reality, even if (and that is an enormous 'if') we decided that we wanted a third (my husband said if money was no object then he would consider a third) we wouldn't be able to try for another year at least because of the C-section. I know I could feel completely differently in a few months. I am aware of the huge financial and logistical impact of adding one more. The internet seems to be bombarding me with 'have the third baby' but has anyone regretted it? Part of me feels I shouldn't even let the thought enter my head as I rolled the dice and won and should just walk away from the casino and fully focus my energy on my two children, and not a 'what if'.

So my question is- is this hormones? Or my body knowing that it is 'last chance saloon'? Does anyone ever feel done? I may feel completely differently but right now it feels like a really hard chapter to close and I can't believe that we will never get to do it again.

And sorry for the ramble, think my hormones are still a bit haywire. Thank you if you have read this far!

We were always 2 and done too, and are happy with our decision. Many reasons for it. I am absolutely 100% done! But even still the "what if" occasionally crosses my mind!

The thing is though, people can come on here and tell you they stuck with 2 and are happy, they stuck with 2 and regret it, they went for the 3rd and are happy, they went for the 3rd and regret it. The thing is though none of us are you or are in your situation!

I think its hormones, I felt the same, within another 6 weeks was back firmly in the 2 is plenty camp!

I'd try not to worry about this now! Concentrate on enjoying your current situation and revisit in six months. It's just a waste of mental energy at this point.

It is hormones and I felt the same after the birth of my second. In my case the want didn’t go but my DH wasn’t up for a third practically or financially. It felt like torture for a long time but I now love having two. I also finally understand the finance reason now that mine are teens. Nobody will say they regret it though! Well, hardly anyone.

I would give it a year and revisit the idea - I think there is definitely something hormonal in us after a birth where you just feel like you want to have a newborn again and again, despite how hard it is. It's so absolutely incredible when you get handed this new baby that it's almost impossible to think of it never happening again, but as the weeks and months go on and the child grows and gets easier I think our senses return and we realise how difficult it would be to add another into the mix and go back to the start.

I had my 2nd (and final) baby this year and there is definitely an existential element to it as well - it's very difficult for me to think that being pregnant and having babies, which had been what I considered my life to be building towards more than anything else really, are now behind me. I do struggle with that, and if myself and DH were younger and I hadn't had a horrific emcs this time around, I'd feel better to just leave the option open and deal with it as the years passed. As it is, myself and my baby were lucky to come out of the birth unscathed and DH is nearly 50 so definitely would not want another in any case, so that door is definitely closed. And I do find it sad.

So I think get through this first year with your little one and then see how you feel - as you say, you'd need to wait at least a year anyway following your C-section so you're not losing anything. You may find you still want to go ahead and add a third child, or you may find that actually you do feel content with two.

I felt completely done when I had 2. No interest in anymore. And now they’re older I’m v glad we didn’t have anymore. Managing logistics for 2 school children is enough!

I had this feeling and it never went, 7 years later she arrived and i love having three and wouldn’t change it for the world

I felt completely done after two. If there are hormones which make you keep wanting another, they were completely absent in me! I felt ready to move on and never felt any urge to have any more, DH got the snip and when I saw any babies afterwards I was just relieved that I was past all that.

I had 2 and never felt done, I was always of the mind never say never. We had a third and I adore her but I know 100% I’m done. I can’t afford another nor have the time or emotional capacity for more. In my experience you know when you’re done, I still see babies and feel sad I won’t experience the newborn stage again but am completely confident in my decision that I’ll never have another baby.

We had our 3rd after an 8 year gap, and when I was 45. Absolutely no regrets!

I am absolutely done with 2 but tbh one of many reasons I wouldn’t have a third is because I don’t want to put my body through a 3rd c section. I want to focus on getting my health back on track heading into my 40s.

Both I and my husband immediately felt we wanted another after our 2nd baby - I think in a way it was the euphoria of what you’ve just done and feeling more confident the second time with the baby stage, less existential terror. 16 months later and I still feel if all else was equal - enough space, money, time etc - I would try for another. But the other side does come in - I’m 40 in a few weeks and after 16 months of two kids Im tired in a different way to that newborn high on hormones tiredness. In other words, I can see the advantages of not going through another baby, another toddler etc. Let alone another teenager as others have said. I also think there’s something about thinking too much about having another that stops you being present with the baby you have right now. As others have said, don’t worry about it too much now - you can return to the question in a year.

I was desperate for another for months after my youngest was born but figured it was probably just the hormones talking and stopped…. now they’re teens and boy am I glad I quit while I was ahead! I had them relatively young too so the idea of having another now I’m over 40 fills me with horror. I’m knackered as it is!