Health anxiety or PND??

[B3ckOxo]

Has anyone else experienced health anxiety or postpartum anxiety after having a baby? 💔
I’m really struggling at the moment and feel like I need to get this off my chest and hear from other mums who might have been through something similar.
My little boy Jax is 8 weeks old, and although I adore him more than anything, I feel like I’m slowly losing myself to worry.
He’s had quite a difficult start. He’s got a floppy voice box (laryngomalacia), uncontrollable reflux which seems to affect him constantly, suspected CMPA and we’ve been through different formulas, medications, hospital visits and countless appointments trying to get him comfortable.
And now, over the last few days, I’ve become fixated on his sunken soft spot. He’s been checked repeatedly by medical professionals, including hospital, and I’ve been reassured that he’s okay and that it’s his head shape. But I just cannot seem to switch my brain off.
I’m constantly watching him, checking him, looking for changes, feeling his head, monitoring his breathing, his feeds, his nappies and every little thing he does. Even when someone reassures me, the relief only lasts so long before I find something else to worry about.
I honestly don’t know whether this is health anxiety that I’ve already struggled with, postpartum anxiety, or potentially postpartum depression creeping in too.
What makes it harder is how alone I feel. I feel like nobody really understands what’s going on inside my head. Everyone sees me looking after my baby, but nobody sees the constant fear, the overthinking, the exhaustion and the mental battle that goes on behind closed doors.
I struggle to let other people help because I feel like I need to be the one watching him and making sure everything is okay. I know deep down I cannot carry on feeling like this.
I love my little boy more than words can explain, and I know these worries come from wanting to protect him, but I also know that living in a constant state of fear isn’t healthy for me.
I suppose I’m just looking to hear from other mums. Has anyone experienced this after having a baby? Did you find it was postpartum anxiety? Did it get better? Did you manage to get back to enjoying motherhood without constantly waiting for something to go wrong?
I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I just want to enjoy my baby without being terrified all the time. ❤️

Hey, I didn’t want to read and run. I never had PND or PNA but I do over think things, I think especially when they are so little and things seem to constantly be happening. I remember feeling like my mental health was tied to babies nappy rash.

you know yourself better than anyone and if your already asking if it could be PND, sounds like the perfect time to reach out for help from the GP, plenty of people do it’s honestly so common.

oh lovely, you could be me two years ago to the day! My DS also had laryngomalacia! That coupled with a hospital dash and 5-day stay at 4 weeks (a nasty virus in the end, so please don’t take this to mean you’ll end up in hospital too!) nearly sent me insane. I couldn’t even really understand why it was happening to me, because I’d not been particularly prone to unmanageable anxiety before, but it was honestly like… rabid. I’ve never experienced anything like it before or since. It was like my brain just couldn’t be reassured. I’d get reassurance about one thing and then lose my mind about something else. All of that to say I see you. It’s a really really strange and isolating experience and time. Made unbearably worse by the lack of sleep. I KNOW how it sounds, but it does ease I swear. In all honesty, I did end up at the GP for some support and it helped me inordinately, so I would recommend reaching out for some support if you can. I’m so sorry you’re struggling, sending lots of love!

Oh and just to follow up. I bloody LOVE motherhood now. I’m having so soo much fun. And my little bub with the floppy larynx is now a very rambunctious, singing, chatting, climbing two year old best friend 🥹

It first started with the floppy voice box, then came the choking, then came the tummy discomfort and sick, then came the poops and so on..
it’s just been never ending and now this soft spot.. that’s just the icing on top of the cake🥺

I feel like my newborn bubble has been robbed. My planned C-section went terribly wrong so it was trauma from the get go!!

im hoping he grows out of these things quickly not just for myself but for him too, he’s so uncomfortable💔

I think we are hyper vigilant when the baby is born. I had lots of intrusive thoughts: I constantly worried about dropping her, or falling down the stairs with her, or her dying in her sleep. I would check her breathing and temperature obsessively. I would cry over the things that might happen.

I think that this is common (while not ideal), and it will pass. I think you should go to the GP for help if it is stopping you from enjoying life and functioning normally.

I wasn’t coping and was prescribed antidepressants after I had DD, but it wasn’t specifically considered PND. She cried constantly and would only sleep on us or on her front, so DP or I took shifts so someone was always awake with her. We were totally exhausted and I was a wreck, which I think fed all my anxieties.

The worries will subside when baby gets older and less vulnerable, so take whatever help you can get until then.

Also OP, the “newborn bubble” is, in my opinion, social media bullshit. Some people have super easy babies (which I guess it what it refers to) but some people have super hard ones who struggle to feed or sleep or who cry all the time. We just had newborn chaos: loads of people do.

Don’t feel like you’ve been robbed because you haven’t had an experience that was never guaranteed. Childbirth can be horrendous, and the newborn stage can be absolutely brutal. The main thing (as I kept telling myself) was that me and baby survived birth, we came home, and we are lucky to have a health service that is vigilant about babies.

First baby can be a big shock. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to contend with, and you’re getting through it. You’re doing great. Give yourself grace.

My friend went to see her GP who diagnosed PPA and gave her medication and counselling. It really helped and she was able to enjoy being a mum again.

I was like this op, even with the soft spot, I kept checking it over and over. Also checking their breathing at night, I used to drive myself insane. I have diagnosed ocd and medication has helped me massively