Nightmare at teatime

[Em1705]

Over the past few months my 2 year old has become a nightmare at teatime. She wont sit in her own chair, wants to be on our knee. She wont eat her food but will eat ours (same food). She will have a full blown meltdown...

Previously she would happily sit and eat and teatime would be a lovely time but now I just end up dreading it.

Has anyone experienced anything like this or has any advice on how to combat this behaviour?

I do understand that she is 2 and is going through stages of testing boundaries and learning.

Yes, we went through a very similar phase with ours at around 2 to 3, so you are not alone in dreading teatime. What helped us was keeping the same seat and the same short routine, and not making a big negotiation out of it. We would serve the same food to everyone, put a small portion on their plate, and let them ask for more from our plate if they wanted it, which took away the battle over whose food it was. If they got up, we calmly finished our meal and offered the same food again a bit later rather than starting a new meal or a big discussion. It did not change overnight, but once teatime felt predictable and low pressure again, the meltdowns got shorter. It is exhausting when a lovely part of the day turns stressful, but this stage does pass.

@KyleStarwe have always sat in the same spot but now thinking about it we did try her in one of them chairs that attach to our dining chairs instead of having her in her highchair as she seemed to prefer it at the time. So may try putting her back into her highchair and see how that goes.

Honestly, she won’t want to sit on your knee forever, I remember vividly looking at DH, who had a 4yo ds on his lap, while I had a 2yo dd on mine, and thinking ‘is this just how we eat dinner now? Will I ever get to eat in peace again?’ But the phase passed, as they do, and now both of them sit nicely and eat from their own plates at the table, every meal time.

My advice would be to pick your battles. How much does it matter if she sits on your lap to eat? Can you meet halfway, she sits on your lap but eats from her own plate? Eventually she will get used to sitting in her own seat, she just isn’t there yet.

Sounds like swapping to the clip-on chair might be exactly where the predictability of the highchair got lost, so it's worth trying that switch back. Alongside it, a simple visual routine, a few pictures showing hands washed, sit down, food on plate, eating, can turn teatime back into something known rather than a nightly negotiation. Pair that with one short, calm phrase you repeat every time, "food stays at the table, come sit when you're ready", so your response stays the same even when she pushes back. It won't sort itself overnight, but at this age the predictability on its own tends to settle things down.

Honestly, I’d just whack her on your knee and get on with it. Don’t make it a battle. Once she sees it’s no big deal, she’ll probably happily sit in her own seat. Definitely agree with plopping her on a junior chair or on some pillows in a big girl chair at the table.