15 month old consantly upset

[wiredandtired]

My 15 month old cries so much, I'm starting to worry whether this is normal.

Every single transition in the day is a huge meltdown - nappy change, getting dressed, wiping his hands and face, bath time (good god it's horrendous), leaving the house, leaving the park, getting into the pram, etc etc. You get the idea. Proper screaming, crying and tears.

He's been like this since he was about 9/10 months old. Nursery have commented on it too but not in a 'we think he might have autism' kind of way - at least they've not said that explicitly - just noticing that he is easily and often upset.

I'm really struggling because I find it so overwhelming. I spend my whole life trying to make him happy, he is such a wanted child and I love him so much I could burst. But when he is melting down for the hundredth time over a normal daily care task, I just want to tear my hair out. Recently I've had to just go off to lie down and take some deep breaths as soon as DH has walked in the door.

I'm not really asking for advice on strategies, more just wondering if anyone else's child was like this at 15 months, if it is a normal thing or if I should be worrying about autism at this point. He seems so sensitive to anything sensory but his communication is good.

Also, if you have a child like this, how do you cope mentally when the days are so intense? 😥 It feels like it's getting harder and sometimes I just really struggle and get frustrated.

Hi,

I have a 16 month old boy and he's the same. I assumed this was just normal. Everything is a battle, nappy changes, getting dressed, face wiping, constant whining. It's like going into battle with an angry alligator at every nappy change.

I don't think he's neurodiverse, as he's quite social and nursery haven't mentioned any concerns.

I find real benefit in him being at nursery for even a brief period of time when I'm not working so I can regain some headspace. It's like it recharges my tolerance for it. Is that an option for you ?

URGH solidarity OP. I'm a couple of months ahead with my DC and about 1000 teeth have come through at once and things seem to be settling down. It's still bumpy though. We've finally had a bath time without tears. I hope your DC turns a corner. It just sounds pretty normal tbh but it drives you up the wall.

Thank you! It's so reassuring just to hear from someone else who has a similar thing going on.

I have a group of friends from NCT who all seem to have remarkably chilled out babies, and it makes me panic a bit when he's melting down for the 1000th time and their kids all seem to be coping fine. So it's good to hear your son is similar and you feel it's normal.

I love the angry alligator analogy 😂

We are thinking of putting him in nursery for an extra half day a week so I can breathe a bit, yes. I work part time 3 days, and the other 2 days were meant to be my quality time to spend with him. But honestly, the way he is at the moment, I don't really look forward to it, it's just powering through 😢

Thank you, that's so reassuring to hear you had a no-tears bath time. It's sad because when he was tiny he loved the bath, but then suddenly a switch flipped and he didn't. Bath time used to be so lovely, I'd go in with him and it was such a nice time to connect. Now it's just a race to get him as clean as we can with the least amount of trauma!

This was me! My little girl was like this. She was colicky from birth, then constantly whining and frustrated. I was always on edge and miserable - because she was! But it’s just a phase, there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

She was angry when she was learning to crawl and stand, then when she could walk (very early) it was chaos. Everything was a source of frustration: the many things she couldn’t do well yet or wasn’t allowed to do. If we walked past the park but didn’t go in she’d scream. I dreaded wiping her face. If I didn’t let her walk where she wanted, or let her push every single pedestrian crossing button, she would go nuts. Leave the house and turn right instead of left? Leaving the park? Screaming. Porridge taking too long to make? Screaming.

It got better every month. She’s 24 months now and she’s so civilised (mostly), I actually like spending time with her. She tolerates so much more than she used to, and has got so much better with transitions. The massive increase in language and understanding really helps: being able to say things like all done/yes/no/help.

It’s so hard, but I got through it by (a) picking my battles and saying yes to everything that wasn’t bad or dangerous, and (b) saying no firmly when I meant it, and steeling myself for the tantrum, which will pass.

I think it’s quite common for babies/toddlers to have a phase like this. It’s not easy though when you see other parents looking like they’re breezing through it with really compliant kids!

My daughter also hated new people until recently, which was always awkward. She’s quite pleasant and sociable now.

I always say she set the bar really low with her behaviour for the first 18 months, so the only way was up!

@wiredandtired yep same here, something seemed to happen overnight to make her hates baths. A few times recently she has actually seemed to enjoy them again which is such a relief.

@EveningSpread the porridge taking too long!! 🤣 We have this drama almost every day. And she doesn't like new people either.

I feel so seen @InkyWink and @EveningSpread 😅 It's that feeling of always being on edge that is just so hard psychologically isn't it?

This was what I needed, just someone who's had the same experience to hear me, because my NCT group is honestly making me go a bit mad!

All of the children seem so calm and I know that's not necessarily the case behind closed doors, but I never see them tantruming, whereas my boy is constantly upset about something or other and it's making me cringe about getting together with the group.

I'm so glad to hear things have got better with your little girl @EveningSpread I can't wait to get to that stage with mine (and hope we do). Picking battles is good advice. I do get exasperated though when I just want to get something done and it's a choice between it taking 10x as long or dealing with a meltdown.

Yesterday he was trying to pick up a blueberry with his spoon and getting frustrated that he couldn't. I put the blueberry on the spoon. He ate the blueberry off the spoon. Then he started screaming blue murder, about god knows what.

Sigh!

Very normal, went through this with both my kids. Neither are autistic. 15 months is a really difficult age, they’re mobile and awake most of the day but not really articulate in communicating their needs, hence all the crying and fighting everything you do - it’s their way of telling you they want to stay at the park or whatever it is.

It’s very testing, but things will get much better in about 6 months.

My goodness, that sounds exhausting. Some toddlers really do struggle with transitions and get upset over things that seem so ordinary to us. It doesn't automatically mean autism, but if nursery are noticing it too and you're concerned about his sensory sensitivities, it's worth mentioning to your health visitor or GP. And please don't feel guilty for needing to step away and have a few minutes to yourself. Constant crying and meltdowns can wear anyone down, even when you adore your child.

Personally I would just briskly carry on. Hug, bit of reassurance. Distraction is a great thing at this age.
It’s ok to wear ear plugs as long as you can see them. Just to numb the noise a bit.
If this was the 2nd or 3rd child you simply wouldn’t have the same amount of time and energy to devote to placating it and would just have to crack on. Hopefully that help a bit with perspective. It should be a phase.