Missing DC when they're away

[Protectorclear]

I've been a single parent for 5 years now after my 10 year marriage ended. DC1 is 8 going on 9. I still miss DC when they're at their dads. I've tried to keep busy and even went out with a friend this evening. But my whole person is just off without my DC here.

I know they need to spend time with both parents and our co-parenting is fine and we get on well. DC adores their dad. I just can't get over these feelings of sadness about the rest of our lives with DC living split between homes.

How are others coping? I do try to have hobbies and see friends. I'm seeing a decent therapist now after a very bad experience a few years ago. We have a dog (and a hamster!) who keeps me company. I don't want to date, zero interest in that.

Maybe I need to just get a life. Please be kind as my mental health is at low point right now.

Oh gosh, it is hard isn't it? I am 6 years down the line now, my eldest doesn't go anymore, but frequently is out of the house with work or friends but my youngest goes every other weekend and half the holidays. I used tk wander the house, not sure what to do with myself. Counted down the hours until they were home. My dc lives going to his Dad's though and it took me a while to see that. When I could appreciate he was having a great time, and my feelings were about me..I started to think of nice things to do. I'd save a good book and devour it over the weekend. Have pamper days and relaxing baths. I started crafting, and began to look forward to my time alone. I still get pangs of ' I wish he were here to see/do this' but I also enjoy my time without him now with less guilt. Keeping busy and being selfish in so much as filling the time with things you want to do helps. It will get easier.

Same for me OP, I'm not sure what the solution is or if there is one. I feel like I spend the whole week waiting for them to come back, then the week I'm with them goes so quickly. I'm actually jealous of woman that have horrible dads for their kids who never see them, and woman that used sperm donation (i know this is unreasonable).

Your feelings are natural. With feelings of sadness and loss it often isn't effective to try to push through the feelings, so maybe leaning into the sadness for a bit would help - caring for yourself on those weekends when your DC is away, cooking good food, watching comforting TV. Don't waste energy trying to distract.

What matters is you don't put the sadness onto your DC.

It's good you're seeing a therapist.