Toddler advice

[KindOtter]

Hi, I need some advice/help on how I should handle this.
so I was pregnant earlier this year (gave birth in August) during my pregnancy I tried to move my 2
and half year old boy into a big boy bed because obviously the new baby would need it however it didn’t go well at all, I tried for a week and every night he refused to go to sleep alone and woke up multiple times (my son has always been an amazing sleeper) so within that week I probably got about 3-4 hours of sleep total each night. Needless to say I was exhausted, I chose to put him back in his cot and try again after the baby had arrived since the baby wouldn’t need it straight away anyway.

Now my baby is nearly 3 months old she’s slowly starting a outgrow her basket and I really need to move my son into a big bed, I thought I would try a different tactic this time by removing some slats of the cot side gradually, at the moment I’ve only removed 3 slats just enough space for him to get in and out of the cot freely. The first night went great! Went to sleep beautifully like always and didn’t wake during the night like usual. Night 2 come around and getting him to sleep wasn’t too much of an issue but he woke up at 2am and wouldn’t go back to sleep without me being there, he ending up coming in with me (which I now realise was probably a mistake) and (tonight) night 3 he wouldn’t go to bed, he wanted to lay on the floor with me or lay in my bed (he’s currently asleep on the floor) I had to lay on the floor with him wait for him to fall asleep and creep out.

I don’t know what to do about this. Is this phase? Do I need to power through? It is he really not ready and I should just buy another cot?

Also, he’s recently developed a fear of the dark I believe because whenever the light from his lullabies aren’t on (he has a separate night light) and the door is completely closed (he’s usually fine with his door completely closed) he cry’s and won’t go to sleep. it also sounds as thought he may be getting a cold although I think that may be hard to tell at the moment not sure if it’s just normal congestion.

my boy has gone through a hell of a lot these past few months I won’t lie with me and their dad separation, his dad walking out their lives completely, welcoming a new baby and potty training and he has handled every single thing like a true boss so I’m not surprised I’m having trouble but i just want some advice please

Thanks In Advance

I'd get him a camp bed or blow up bed and put it next to yours. And I use tapo smart bulbs as a night light so you can program the times, colour and brightness. Once he's happy sleeping on that you can move him to his own room.

Unfortunately I don’t have enough space next to my bed for a blow up bed next to me, I have a superking bed alone at the moment so sharing with him isn’t necessarily an issue when it concerns space but I just don’t want him to get used to sharing with me or I don’t want to wake him when I come to bed. With the baby basket at the bottom of my bed I don’t have any room for a temp bed for him.

I will look into those tapo smart bulbs, thank you!

That sounds like so much all at once for him, and for you. Separation, a new baby and potty training would unsettle most toddlers, so I would not read the bed struggles as him simply not being ready forever. With our three year old, what helped most when the dark became scary was keeping the door open a crack and leaving a low light on all night, rather than turning it off once he looked sleepy. We also kept the same short phrase every time we left the room, so he knew what to expect even when he woke at 2am. If you can, I would pause the big change for a short while and let the cot stay his safe place while the baby is still in the basket. Then try again in small steps in the daytime, letting him climb in and out, choose his pillow and read a book there, before you expect a full night. It does get steadier once one change at a time settles.

It has been a lot for both of us.
this is exactly what I do, I keep a dim light on for him (he has a night light, plus the light from his lullabies which light up the room just enough) and I have been keeping the door open just a crack the past 2 weeks since he’s refused going to sleep without it open.
I can try delay it a little longer but honestly I don’t know how much longer I have my baby girl is already near the length of the basket and was hoping to get him settled in a big bed because when I do move her into the cot they will be sharing a room which is obviously another big change.

I feel so guilty that this is all happening for him all at once almost but there’s not much I can do.

One option is to get another cot and it might be your easiest option.

It’s probably not a popular choice but if this was me I’d keep him in my big bed with me for a while until he gets more confident. Hang in there. This is not forever.