Should I ground my daughter?

[LFlynn91]

My 14 year old daughter is boy obsessed, on about her 6th boyfriend. Latest ‘relationship’ been going on for the last 2 days. Boy is one year older than her, goes to same school. We are strict about not allowing round each others houses but allow her to go to park or shops. As it’s now pitch black, daughter was told she needed to be home by 17:30 today. She was 30 mins late home. Husband thinks we should ground her from a planned Halloween party tomorrow? Thoughts?

For reference this isn’t her party, it’s a gathering she has been invited too

Seems a bit on the heavy handed side, especially if this is the first time, but it’s not an outrageous consequence either.

I think the punishment should fit the crime so grounding her seems a bit harsh.

30 mins late = 2 hours without a phone (tonight).

but i'd let her go to tomorrow's party.

No!

Missing a party for 30 mins late is way OTT.

Choose a different consequence.

If you allowed her to have company she wouldn’t have to be rushing home at half 5 because you would know she was safe. Pick your battles.

No.

That seems too harsh to me for being 30 minutes late.

Also, why can't the boy come to your house? I understand you might not want them alone in her bedroom at this age but can't they hang out in the kitchen or living room?

No, grounding her will cause nothing but resentment and frustration. You need to be connecting and building trust with her at this age, that’s what will keep her safe. Not an angry dragon she can’t come to when she’s in real trouble.

Maybe lay off characterising her as “boy-obsessed” and sneering at her relationships as well. Self-image is fragile at this age.

Pick her up early so she gets to go but understands why it doesn't pay to bend the rules on time in future.