Hi I am 57 mom of 3 grown adults ages 34,32,30. My eldest was born premature and has a series of mental health issues ADHD Borderline Personality disorder, Asperger’s PTSD . The thing is I am now questioning what I did as a young mother of 21/22 when I had. He was a nightmare from birth wouldn’t eat - struggled to take the breast and bottle to the point his blood sugars were extremely low at one point in the hospital- he never ever slept and if he did it was for half an hour here and there etc . Moving forward to when he was 15 is when the control or the trying to teach him actions = consequences fell on deaf ears he was in a YOI from 18 for 6 months and then been in prison 2 more times - he is a drug addict and nothing we do say or do to help is having any impact - he has moved at least 5 times from HMO to HMO he has no issue calling us at any time of the middle of the night so he can get money and spins so many stories to get what he wants - also he is relentless he will not stop until he gets what he wants. He lies all the time every time he calls we can’t trust him or what he is saying therefore we try and have a very little to do with him . He looks homeless he doesn’t feed himself properly doesn’t have hygiene standards . I’m at my wits end and the tough love we have given over various times plays on my mind. Basically I just want to know if I’m an awful parent as I never bonded with him but I would fight to my last breath for him, but I hate having him in my life . He caused me to have a mental breakdown and I have never been myself since - even down to this morning constantly calling and I’m constantly blocking him but then he will call of random numbers . We even moved to a village so he couldn’t turn up to the house and cause a huge scene where police have had to be called. I just don’t like him and do not want him in my life for my own sanity and health especially mental health