I have two children, aged eight and six, who are both autistic and have significant support needs.
My eight-year-old is non-speaking and recently moved into residential care. This was an absolutely heartbreaking decision, made partly because there was no suitable day provision that could meet his needs, alongside the demands of caring for his younger brother, whose behaviours can pose serious risks to himself and others.
My six-year-old who is still at home with me is verbal and is currently on the CAMHS pathway for an ADHD assessment.
He initially attended mainstream school, where he experienced multiple suspensions and was approaching permanent exclusion while we endured an agonising wait for a specialist SEND placement. When that placement finally became available, we hoped he would receive the support he needed.
After just three months, however, the setting said it could not meet his needs. He was experiencing severe dysregulation, absconding on site and physically lashing out at staff and other children.
He currently has a temporary placement for three hours a day, three days a week, with an hour’s journey each way.
The local authority is searching for a permanent specialist placement, but despite his case going to panel multiple times, no setting has been able to offer him a place. He is now refusing to attend the temporary provision and will not leave the house to get into the transport.
Meanwhile, my mental health is deteriorating, and I feel myself spiralling into depression.
Most days are spent indoors, trying to meet his needs and manage behaviours that are extremely difficult and sometimes dangerous. He can be very loud and may physically lash out at my older children when I try to speak to them. They don’t even come downstairs anymore and I miss spending time with them. He doesn’t like me talking on the phone and visitors is a no-no. He often refuses activities outside the home and will not walk when we do go out.
He frequently stays awake until almost midnight and wakes very early, leaving little opportunity for either of us to rest.
I cannot see an end to this situation.
My long-term relationship broke down under the strain of caring for both boys, and I now feel desperately isolated. I have no friends or meaningful opportunities to socialise, and having visitors at home is not manageable. By the time my son falls asleep, I am so mentally exhausted that I go straight to sleep myself.
I feel guilty admitting how bitter and hopeless I sometimes feel, but it seems as though there is no room left in my life for anything beyond caring. I’m lonely. Sad. Their father is absent, has remarried and has a new family. My younger son does not have a close relationship with him and would not willingly go into his care, so he is not currently a practical source of support or respite.
I love both my boys deeply. This is not about a lack of love or commitment; it is about being overwhelmed by a level of need that I cannot sustainably meet without adequate support. I cannot carry on as things are.
The purpose of this post is not just to vent but to ask if anyone is going through or has gone through similar? For some kindness, or someone just to say they see me and offer either advice or support.