Has anyone sleep trained for naps but not bedtime

[Karma1387]

Hoping for a bit of advice. I have a lovely 8 month old DS who I co-sleep with at night and for his naps (I leave him once hes asleep in my bed for naps but he requires boob to go to sleep)

I am looking for a full time job so he will be going to a childminder and also with my DP 2 days a week so I really need him to sleep independently without the boob.

Has anyone transitioned to the crib and sleep trained just for naps? I don't really want to stop co-sleeping at night as it will help me not feel so guilty about missing so much time with him plus will give him time to make up for lost feeds during the day if he wont take the bottle well.

Any advice appreciated!

most children adapt well to napping when they go to childcare. you dont need to train him for that

You don’t need to do that. Mine only ever napped contact or in the pram and she napped fine at nursery. Enjoy the last months of mat leave don’t waste it sleep training! He will learn to settle in other ways with other people. I’d be trying to go out and let your DP handle naps alone eg at the weekend, so they have the chance to adjust

Unfortunately at the moment my partner is working 6 nights a week to cover this bills whilst on maternity so we haven't been able to practice me leaving for him to nap.

I'm not super worried about childcare more the 2 days that my DP has him as he will have a 9 month old and a 2.5 year old to handle with no experience dealing with them on his own so I don't want him super stressed and he obviously cant sleep with him and we are getting to the time of year he cant really take him for a walk for 4 plus hours a day to get him to sleep 🙈

It's usually the other way around, you sleep train for bedtime because they are naturally tired, and then that usually translates to better naps. There isn't enough sleep pressure at nap time, they will just get into an absolute state.

My DS went to nursery age 2, he had never fallen asleep independently (still doesn't at home). At nursery he went to sleep by himself from the start and took a 2 hour nap.

Don't underestimate the experience of nursery workers.

Re the days with your DH, again, babies act differently around other caregivers. If I'm home, he will only sleep with me. But he goes to sleep just fine (faster actually) for his dad, grandma, and grandpa, when I am out.

And I think it's good your DH will have a bit of a shock. Let him learn. He needs to find his own ways to do things. Kids will be fine.

I really don’t think you need to stress yourself over naps; your partner will cope. Baby will go to 1 nap in next few months anyway and best they can nap on the go as surely your partner will be getting out with both of them.

Really you think the baby will go to 1 nap in the next few months? He is still on 3 naps currently so I find it very hard to believe he will move to 1. My first DS didnt move to 1 nap until he was probably close to 18 months!

It isn't so much stressing more wanting to not be worried whilst already struggling with the transition to full time work. It is also very hard having to co-sleep for naps with a toddler at home myself so either way I am keen to move him to sleeping alone for naps so I don't have to keep plying my toddler with crap food and Tv 3 times a day when the baby naps 🙈

If you go to two naps you might find your LO sleeps better anyway because they will be more tired! My child went to two naps at 7 months (stressful...) and one nap at 13 months.

Unfortunately its just something I am really struggling with. He has to be held so so much already and he just doesnt nap for long and cant stay awake for long. I already have to hold him after the first hour- 1.5 hours as he just screams and screams until I take him to sleep at 2-2.5 hours. His naps range from 30 mins- 1.5 hours so some days he will only have 2 naps although that means he goes to bed at 6pm (which also means I have to go to bed at 6pm) or he has 3 naps which pushes bedtime a little later to 7.30/8.

So you're struggling with bedtime too. Sleep training is your only answer, but you have to do it for bedtime first. That's when they are the sleepiest, melatonin is flowing, and they're more likely to fall asleep.

Bedtime is fine in theory he feeds to sleep but wakes a lot for boob. Probably 8 or so times between 6-11 and then probably every 1.5-2hrs through the night. But I don't really mind at night as I enjoy co-sleeping.

Its just not as easy with naps due to my toddler needing distracted and entertained to keep him away. Plus the issue of how4/ where DP will get him to sleep during the day.

You mentioned a childminder, just so you know, they legally have to follow safe sleep rules. This means they have to use a cot or sleep mat suitable for baby's age. It might be worth chatting with the childminder you intend to use about how they do naps so you know what to plan for.

Apologies, I see you are more worried about the days he is with your dp. I think you have to let him figure that one out tbh. Being on his own with a toddler and baby is going to be a learning curve all round. I appreciate you want it to be smooth bur you can't train him to sleep without you and them want to cuddle him all night too. If you want him to adjust to different things with different people then you have to let the other person do it.

She will be using a cot as he is under a year. Its going to be a huge adjustment as he has only ever slept in my bed!

Yeah I think I will just have to let him attempt it. If he cant cope I will just have to pay for them to be in childcare an extra 2 days.

Ah sorry I misread his age. I'd really be pushing bedtime, ofc he's waking lots earlier on, 6pm is far too early for bedtime at that age. Even if it means a late afternoon cat nap in the buggy or car to see them through to more like 8pm. Mine was doing 3 x 30 mins naps at that age, and then 2 x 30 mins, sometimes one was a bit longer. 7.30/8pm bedtime. You really don't have to sleep train but I think you are trying to get the baby to have far more sleep than they need. Average is only 11-14 hours within 24 hours at that age.

6pm bedtime is just because of how his naps are falling. I would much prefer an 8-9pm bedtime but his 3rd nap always falls around 5.30/6pm if he has had 2 good naps and if he naps that late he usually doesn't want to get back up again and will just cry.

If he has crappy naps then its easy to fit a 3rd nap in around 3.30/4pm but it is all very unpredicatable and more often than not now he is having 2 slightly longer naps which results in a 6pm bedtime as he cant stay awake more than 2-2.5hrs and I cant put baby and toddler into the car at 5/6pm to get him to nap as I have to sort dinner and bed for the toddler.

Hopefully things will improve and hopefully he will sleep in the cot for my partner or i'll have to put him in full time childminder if he wont nap for DP.

And if you count 12 hours at night as 12 hours (although with 10 plus wake ups a night it is probably less than that) plus 2-3 hours of naps he is probably around 12-14 houra total a day so that seems about right?

what makes you think he wont or cant learn to cope?

Because I struggle juggling my toddler and baby and I have the boobs that solve most of babys issues and very used to toddlers speech and tantrums.

DP has never looked after the boys on his own so dealing with them both when toddler has dropped his nap and baby wont take a bottle or sleep in a crib I think it is going to be a real challenge for him!

It will be hard but if he is a decent man, he will be totally fine. He might appreciate you more too!

If you come over to say he's uninvolved and cold and disinterested generally and you think he won't provide the best care, I would be nervous then and just pay for childcare. But if he's a good and involved dad, he'll be fine.

He is a work in progress. He hasn't had much time with them but he wants to try and thats the main thing!

I'll help ease the load anyway by premaking lunch, dinner etc initially whilst he gets used to it so he just has to keep them alive and entertained 🤣

it's not uncommon but I agree with others that he needs to leaen to parent his kids.

One small thing nobody's mentioned. If he's napping on his own in your bed once he's dropped off, I'd move those naps to his cot or a travel cot. A grown-up bed isn't a safe spot for a baby to sleep with nobody there. I'm only talking about the naps when you've left him, not the nights. It's also handy practice for the childminder's, as he'll be napping in a cot there anyway.

Seriously 😟 I wouldn’t be doing any of these things you have to let him learn these things for himself and hel find his own rhythm

your baby will be fine