Hi. My son is 10. His dad left us when he was 3 months old. The relationship has been very up and down, but for the last few years better and amicable. However, all his life DS has said he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s. It’s every other weekend. More weekends that not, he gets upset and doesn’t want go, and I feel awful for making him.
this last weekend, he again got upset and told me his dad doesn’t like him and called him stupid when he put his shoes on the wrong feet. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of his dad using negative language with regards to DS. He struggles a lot and tries so hard. I’ve spoken to his dad about this tonight and initially he called me and said he would never say anything like that with malice which I do believe but DS can’t necessarily distinguish between a joke and when someone really means it. I asked him what we can do to make things better because it’s very difficult when DS gets so anxious before coming to his house. He actually lives with his mum and her husband who are lovely people and DS enjoy spending time with.
His dad mentioned that he buys him tracksuits pays maintenance and pay for other things as well, so cant understand why DS doesn’t think he likes him. He then called me back later and sounded quite low and he said that if his dad had done half the things for all DS that he does, he would be so happy. Then he said that maybe DS shouldn’t go to him for awhile because it might make him miss him but I don’t think it would have that affect at all. DS is very very attached to me which I understand, but I also really want him to have a relationship with his dad and his half brother who is two years old. He sounded to me like his dad is giving up a little bit and doesn’t feel appreciated by DS. He said he is tired of it. I have no idea how to help with this situation and it’s making me sad that they both are not understanding each other, however I do feel like as the adult it should be on his Dad to try to adjust his behaviour to help things.