Large age gap - struggle with spreading attention

[Firesidepumpkin]

Looking for support from anyone who has had a large age gap (youngest is now 1). Especially in the holidays I feel so guilty that I can’t do activities at home with my eldest without youngest hanging off my hair. I feel so sad that I’m missing these little opportunities with them whilst they’re young. Wondering when it got easier and you felt like neither child was being ignored 😭 I struggle with guilt in general, in therapy already fyi 🤣

Just bumping this for you OP.
MNHQ

You haven’t said what the age gap is. Does the baby nap?

How big is the gap? Not much you can do about it really is there! Consider childcare for one to get some one on one time, or divide and conquer if you have a partner too.

Can you carve out some 1:1 time with the eldest? Nap time, different bed time, other parent etc. focusing some time will help you and them. It is difficult juggling different stages but be kind to yourself, you can not do everything at once and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

How old is the eldest. Do you not have any family near by to help. Do you have a partner to take time off in the holidays too.

Maximise nap time. Take the baby in the buggy so they sleep then take eldest to cafe for a treat, with some books, games or puzzles

There were 5 years between mine. The way I saw it. My eldest got 5 years of my undivided attention just for her. Her brother never got that.

During the school holidays, you just do what you need to do. Some days revolve around one and the other just gets dragged around, other days revolve around the other. I have absolutely used childcare for one to allow a solo day out on occasion with the other. On weekends and other times, Dh and I divide and conquer. Dh will take one to do something and I’ll take the other. That way, they get to do age appropriate activities and they get really focused time with each of us. Not every single weekend, but enough to have good balance.

My oldest is 17 then my next is 16months and my youngest is 3 months 😂 …… my oldest moved out when middle was a few weeks old so that age gap wasn’t an issue….. the 2nd and 3rd I try to bond with 2nd while 3rd is sleeping and spend time with them together.

Hi all thanks for your replies. Age gap is 7 years.

I have spoke with DH last night and just said he is going to have to take some annual leave in the holidays as he never does unless we’re going away.

little one hasn’t been looked after by anyone yet, grandparents are still working and busy. But I’m going to look into nursery going forward.

her naps are random and she seems to not want to nap when her sister is home. I end up spending more time trying to get her to nap!