Anyone else struggling with decision to have third child?

[Bobbieiris]

It's one of these posts again! I am 36, have 2 year old twins and I am desperate for a third baby! My partner would be happy to have another but would be just as happy to stick with just the twins and not having another.
I love being a mum and none of it phases me....the late nights, the tantrums, none of it! It's tough but its what I've always wanted.
Of course the issue is money. We get by and we could just about afford a third child with sacrifices but things could be better right now.
The first issue is I only work 22 hours a week. Now twins are in nursery I asked work if I could do an extra day but they said no. If I get a job with more hours further away it would mean spending money on getting a bus there and back. We only have one car and my partner takes it to work.
Also I got into credit card debt on mat leave. I pay £100 a month at the moment but with interest that is hardly doing anything. After Xmas i am going to try to pay off £200 a month and also start putting money aside for an emergency fund. At the moment partner and I save £80 per month for emergencies but that is getting eaten up by the car and its the MOT this month.
So I've decided to wait a few more months before making a decision and really try with my finances and try to be super frugal so I can start paying off that credit card! I will also keep an eye out for a job with more hours but the job market is awful at the moment.
Everywhere I look I see newborns or families of 3 and it is just really getting me down but im trying to make a responsible decision. Not sure why I'm posting on here really but just wondering if anyone is/ has been in the same boat? I come from a family of 4. We didn't have heaps of money...no car until I was a teenager, no holidays abroad, but I loved it and would love my family of 3.

I struggled with this decision many years ago, and we stuck at two. I don’t regret it for a moment.

Children only get more expensive (just feeding teenage boys is costly and that’s before man size trainers etc)

Being poor makes life hard IMO. I would be very cautious in your shoes and think beyond young childhood too in terms of what you would like life to look like financially, including your own lifestyle and eg retirement. Also number of bedrooms/size of house. You will have 5 adult sized people for several years.

Just seen that you also only have one car. The logistics of 3 school age children can be tricky if they all do clubs/have parties etc. Though if you have good mum friends then rotas help, but not if you can’t pull your weight which could be tricky if the car is at work with your husband.

Im sorry to sound negative, I do know what that yearning for another baby is like.

I think your approach is very sensible OP. A few months of focussing on your finances should give you a clearer idea of what's possible.

Giving a for and against argument:

For: your family isn't going to starve whatever happens, education and health care are free, you sound like a cheery person who will handle any financial difficulties without letting them drag you and your family down, the job market could improve before they reach adulthood.

Against: you mention feeling down when you see a newborn - but your third baby won't stay that way for long! Are you sure that you won't have the same feelings about a fourth...and then a fifth....

You never know what will happen in the future and there's no doubt that having money available can reduce the stress of the unexpected. We only have one (adult) child who has developed an inflammatory arthritis. It's meant her having to do an extra year at uni and potentially other expenses - knowing the money is there to fund all this at least takes one stress away.

Plus you could well have twins again...

What are your reasons for wanting another baby? Does your family feel incomplete? Do you want to experience pregnancy again? Do you have 2 boys and want a girl?

I have a son and my family felt incomplete as I'd always wanted at least 2 children so I knew I wanted another baby but i also really wanted to experience motherhood again as a second time parent as i hadn't raised my son thinking I would only get to do it all once. I think in your position I'd have stuck at 2 children but it depends why you want another.

We wanted four but stopped at two. (We would never have had 3 anyway).We realised we simply couldn’t afford to have any more. We had no savings, I had to watch every penny spent in the supermarket and we couldn’t afford holidays. Instead, I concentrated on building my career. I really enjoyed my work and we were able to give our DC a good standard of living. Enjoy your twins, life will be easier as they get older and you can do more work. And you won’t spend your time worrying how to pay the bills.

Thanks everyone, its helps to know others have been unsure too! I have also worried about the practicalities such as needing a bigger car, having to rent a bigger home etc. @ThatMintMember I don't feel done, and also really want to experience pregnancy and having a baby one more time..but i know that isn't a good enough reason to have another.
@Rocknrollstar we are the same...no savings and the cost of living crisis doesn't help! I really want to build on my career, I want to move jobs to be more specialised. Also only passed my driving test before I got pregnant then never really drove so want to build my confidence with that too.
@HPFA thank you. I think I will focus on finances and looking for a new job with more hours and see how things are in a few months or so.
I just feel so stuck in a rut and like things are missing from life at the moment. Thanks again everyone for your replies

It sounds like a third would actively disadvantage your existing children. You're 36 so I would park this for a couple of years and see how your circumstances are then.

are you’re twins identical or non identical? Non identical your next pregnancy could well be another set of twins? That’s not a reason not to try for a third but is an important consideration to plan for.
I have 3. Singleton then twins. I love having 3 and would have tried for a 4th. I didn’t need a bigger car but what is killing me financially is the next step up in house size to give them all their own rooms - it’s another £150k minimum to go from 3 to 4 beds in my area. Moving away somewhere cheaper is logistically very difficult with schools and work as well as an ex husband who may decide to kill the move for no other reason than just being a dick.
the world it seems is geared to 2 child families - days out are expensive and then don’t get me started on hotel rooms - you can’t get a premier inn that allows 1 adult and 3 kids for love nor money in one room/family room.

Well you aren't out of time yet if you can get on top of your finances and things.

Luckily I kept pretty much everything from my first born but I will say baby number 2 is still pretty expensive to prepare for compared to what I expected! For example, I had to get my son a new bed/matress/bedding so that we could have the cot back for the next baby (that cost nearly £600 and the cotbed needs a new matress too before the baby can even use it)! I was definitely a bit naive about what it would actually cost second time around.

@WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz yes I have worried about getting the twins to nursery if i had a C section etc, maybe a newborn would be harder with toddler twins rather than just a toddler!
@strictlybusinessuntildecember they are identical so less likely to have twins again bit i know it could happen!
@ThatMintMember yes fingers crossed! I have kept everything...kept one moses basket, newborn car seat, clothes etc but i know it would still cost.

I have 3
my third was unplanned but it works for us but with the COLC we are a lot worse off than I thought we would be. I’m past paying expensive nurseries but have 2 lots of wraparound and holiday clubs too
money isn’t everything but it’s stressful if you’re always worrying about it.

its Sad but it does boil down to finances - I’d do an income and expenditure and see…. Xx

I decided against having a third one and I'm in a way more comfortable financial situation. Finances aside, it's really hard looking after a baby who needs constant attention while also looking after a 3 year old (living through it at the moment). Baby needs to nap every hour while the older sibling is loud and keeps waking the baby. Baby gets overtired and cries in the evening. You don't feel like a good mum to either of them. Baby doesn't get the exclusive attention and the world revolving around them the way the firstborn had it. You are constantly trying to juggle the completely different needs of a baby and an older child. I can only imagine how much harder it would be with twins running around while you're trying to get the baby to nap, prepare meals or tidy up... Also what if you have another set of twins?