My ex was deeply abusive and sexually assaulted me multiple times during our relationship. We separated about 5 months ago, and since then, we’ve been trying to share custody of our toddler daughter.
It has only been within the last month that the full reality of his abuse has completely hit me. Up until recently, I was completely blind to it, and he was actively using the custody schedule to manipulate and control me.
On top of what he did to me, there are severe safeguarding issues. He has driven our daughter around right after smoking weed, and I recently found out he is bringing her around a close friend of his—someone we literally watched target and try to chat up 15-year-old girls when he was 22.
I am also deeply concerned about his family environment where he lives. His stepdad has a history of severe domestic violence, including screaming and punching walls in front of a toddler. His mum completely enables this behavior, as well as the behavior of his older brother who lives there too. In fact, my ex explicitly told me himself that he doesn't trust his own brother to watch our daughter because of his history of awful behavior and targeting much younger girls.
There are also massive digital safety boundaries being crossed. Before she was born, we strictly agreed not to post her online. Since then, his brother and his mum have both posted pictures of her online in just a nappy. When I asked him to tell them to take it down, he flipped it on me, told me it was none of my business, and accused me of being aggressive.
Because of all of this, I am absolutely not comfortable with her staying there overnight anymore. He tries to tell me that his behavior in our relationship has nothing to do with his parenting, but he is a predator and a liar who surrounds our daughter with other unsafe men.
He is deeply misogynistic, and I see that entire family dynamic rubbing off on her. Before she was even born, he used to make jokes like, "If any guy messes with her, I’ll kill them," which is sickeningly ironic coming from a man who is exactly the kind of predator he’s talking about.
I know I can’t stop contact based on a 'feeling,' and I know I can't prove the drug driving without catching him out, but my gut is screaming that she isn't safe. I have already applied for a Child Arrangements Order through the family court and detailed everything, but I am terrified that the court won't take these patterns seriously.
I feel so guilty that it took me 6 months to realize the danger, and I’m completely stuck on what to do next.
I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I am just being dramatic also.