Is it normal to worry this much about 1 child?

[Ayla1991]

I suffer with anxiety and am in therapy but just want to know if part of this may be normal. I have 2 DD, 4 year old and 2 year old.

my 4yo is a quiet reserved girl who is very calm and very rarely gets angry. As a result it’s sometimes hard to figure out how she’s feeling or what’s upsetting her. She is labelled as gifted by her school as she has incredible memory. She gets incredibly worried about random things, eg she saw cracks in our walls and keeps asking about them. She has recently started blinking excessively. I have a lot of guilt around her as I went back to work when she was 10 months old, she refused a bottle and would barely eat or drink anything until I got home. (My job was fairly long hours and I missed a lot of her first 2 years of life). She is very attached to me and even at this age will sometimes cry when I leave the room and always gets scared of me abandoning her at school.

on the other hand my 2 year old is very expressive with her emotions. I stopped work when she was born so have spent a lot of time with her. She has had some minor health issues but I have nowhere near the anxiety over her that I do with my eldest. I also feel bad about this.

I am constantly on edge about what she’s going to say or do or how she’s feeling. I suffer with intrusive thoughts-I worry that something has happened or will happen to her and the thoughts replay in my mind. I’m struggling to relax ever. Is any of this slightly normal?

It's totally normal for parents to be worried about thier kids. But this doesn't sound very healthy. There's very little reason to assume that your decisions re work are related to your older DD's worries, and what you say about not being able to relax ever sounds really difficult. Could you get a bit of therapy to help you unpack your guilt and anxiety a bit? And maybe do some fun things with your older daughter just to help you both relax a bit together? Running about, climbing, a ball pit, a game, craft, whatever you both enjoy?

Thank you. I am having therapy and it’s helped a lot, I was in a much worse place a few months ago. But it hasn’t completely gone away and I’m worried it never will

Keep working with your therapist. They can give better advice than we can.

To answer your question, whilst all parents worry a bit, not as much as you describe.

I worry a lot more about my first born and not my second born even though I probably have more to worry with them, they just seem more robust whereas Dc1 doesn't.

Keep getting therapy. Don’t feel guilty; many of us have to work. Also get your daughters excessive blinking checked out to put your mind at rest.

Totally agree with what the PPs have said and I’m sorry that you’re suffering so much.

Her anxiety and blinking could be normal 4 yo behaviour but I think it might be worth doing this simple progress checker and asking her Teacher how DD is doing socially at School.