What's next for us?

[Hurtlingbug]

I always saw myself having more than two children. Now I have my two, who are five years apart with the youngest being 8, I keep flip flopping between having another not. They finally have their own room after we moved earlier this year and if I have another someone would have to share which I feel would be pretty difficult for the 13 year old and not ideal for the 8 year old. I also did think about adopting or fostering as it is something I had thought I might be able to offer but again we can't because we don't have a spare bedroom.

There's no chance of us moving to a bigger house in the area we live in and unless we win the lottery or inherit a significant sum of money we won't be able to extend our current property. Our children are very settled at school, I am very fulfilled in my working life and my partner has plenty of work options where we are so we wouldn't really consider moving away from our home town.

Essentially I am feeling a bit stuck in my parenting journey and I am not sure where to go from here. I'm wondering what could be next for us if we can't add to our family. If you and your family have had similar what did you do?

Your parenting journey is far from over. Get a pet maybe?

Focus on all the things coming up with your two children, all the things you can do now they’re getting older. This is an exciting phase, you need to forget about adding to your brood and embrace all the new adventures coming your way. Personally I wouldn’t consider another child in your situation.

Absolutely agree, I don't feel it's over at all, I'm enjoying my two very much, which is why the feelings of having another have cropped up again. Unfortunately a pet is not something I feel I can manage, I've not grown up around pets so animals scare me with their lack of communication. In general the idea of having a baby is to help them grow to be more independent (although I know no guarantees on that) but a pet is definitely dependent. I like to be able to go away without worrying about an animal. Plus I am allergic to some pets and to hay too so narrows the options.

I think being practical, you're not in a position to have another child, or foster or adopt. You don't have the space and no realistic prospect of buying somewhere bigger if your youngest is 8, you're looking at a 9/10 year age gap. If I were you, I'd be sticking with the two lovely children you have and enjoying the next stage of their childhood.

I share this experience. I would have liked to have had a third child, but my DH is totally against it and I am already in my early 40s, (plus DS is nearly 4 and still wakes repeatedly most nights) so we have completed our family with two children. I sometimes imagine fostering or adopting in the future but although I think this would suit me, my DH would not emotionally manage when a foster child left our home and I do worry about the trauma an adopted child is likely to have experienced and the impact this could have on the time and energy we'd have for my two existing DC. Some people I'm sure will think this is awful, but when I feel sad, I think about how my two may choose to have children themselves. I hope I'll be able to be a hands on Nana. No - there's no guarantee, and no, a grandchild won't be born to satiate my desire for another child, and yes it's quite different from having your own child and you need to be very careful not to overstep, but the thought of being a nana gives me a bit of comfort if I'm feeling sad that the baby stage of my life is finished.

I think quit while you're ahead. Most people in your position get a dog! Also please think very very hard about adopting. It's very difficult to have a family with a mix of adopted and natural born children (I know from personal experience).