Trying to potty train a defiant toddler

[downthestrada]

We've been trying to potty train our nearly 3 year old for around a year. She just hasn’t really made much progress. Right now, she’ll pee and poo in the potty if she’s bottomless. But with the pee, there has to be a few drips on the legs or on the floor before she notices. The poo seems a bit easier for her and she’ll manage if she’s bottomless.

We’ve tried adding just a skirt or loose trousers for quite lengthy periods. But it seems the moment she has something on her bottom half, even if it’s loose, she’ll pee all over the floor.

Then there’s the fact that she just doesn’t want to. She argues that she doesn’t have to, prefers to pee in her pants etc.

Is she just not ready? She’s always been advanced with speech and other things (she can read basic sentences and speaks using fairly complicated language for her age) but is very behind with gross motor skills. It took her much much longer to learn how to sit, crawl, walk, jump.

I'm autistic and I struggle with interoception myself.

We decided to take a break from it recently (for our sanity).

I’m just feeling tired with it all and I want someone to tell me what to do.

Thanks for reading and I appreciate any help.

Have you tried bribery? Chocolate buttons for a successful wee or poo. Honestly it was the only time in my time as a parent that I bribed with chocolate to get them to do something.

Not yet but maybe that’s the answer. She’s food addicted so it’s worth a shot.

Bribes and potty stickers off Amazon. Turn it into a game

Is she autistic, guessing by your description of her? If so she may just not be ready. It often take longer/until they’re a bit older if autistic. My dd is likely autistic and didn’t properly get it until she was almost 4.

Literally word for word we having the same issue. Totolly fine with no knickers on goes straight to the potty. The minute we put anything on wets through every thing.

We did bribes, stickers or smarties.

Does she go to nursery or pre school at all? Often a slightly older child using a toilet can be a great motivator.

Is her communication and talking good. None of mine ever had ir used a potty, we found that a kids seat and step for the toilet worked much better. Maybe ditch the potty, there is no need for one really and they are a bit weird when you think about it. Mine all transitioned very young and very quickly.

i second chocolate buttons or similar and cut all other sweets/chocolate out so they are really valued.

also tell her off. I don’t mean yelling etc but if she wets her clothes make it known that isn’t nice for you to clean up and make her help with that. Stop play so there is a consequence on her time.

use the toilet yourself with the door open so she sees you doing it and narrate the process I.e now I’ve finished lunch and had a drink I think I’ll use the toilet. I don’t want wet smelly clothes. Then go and narrate how happy you feel afterwards that you are dry and comfortable and can play.

they are still 2 though so I wouldn’t worry too much at this stage, if in 8-10 months you haven’t cracked it I’d become more concerned

We tried stickers and a sticker chart but she lost interest very quickly. Didn’t value the amount of effort required for just a sticker!

She goes to nursery a couple of days a week but she just doesn’t care about what other kids do. Or, she’ll want to be like them for around 10 minutes and then lose interest.

Yeah we have a toilet seat thing so she can use the normal toilet but she’s just not interested. She also doesn’t realise when she needs. She can’t make it to the toilet upstairs or gets distracted as we try to get her up.

She’s also resistant to “just trying” to see if there’s any pee.

Have you made it boring for her to clean up after a pee in her clothes?

Take her away from the activity, she gets herself undressed and then puts stuff in the washing machine. Then gets dressed again with support if needed. Make this calm and boring and time away from what she wants to be doing.

Chocolate for pees can also be a winner!

Yeah I think I’ll try chocolate buttons next.

I’ve tried the other things you’ve suggested with no luck. She’ll be 3 in a few weeks time and I think I was just concerned by all the guidance and also others who say they potty trained as soon as they turned 3.

I’m autistic and my husband has ADHD. She shows signs of both but it’s hard to tell while they’re still developing. I did mention to the health visitor but as she meets all of the developmental stages apart from gross motor skills, they didn’t seem too concerned.

She might not be ready as she can’t seem to tell when she’s peeing. She’s always so involved in whatever she’s doing that it’s hard to make her focus on things.

We did sticker on the potty and one choc button per use of potty. Late on day 2 DD sat down did a tiny wee, got rewarded, sat back down, another tiny wee, reward, again 3x - she'd taught herself free market economics! and showed wonderful pelvic floor discipline but we did knock it on the head soon afterwards 😂

also lots of talk of all the big girl things you can do when you are a big girl out in knickers, in reality nothing but you can talk it up and create a buzz 😂

Thanks for warning me! I can definitely see her trying that (if she’s actually ready).

Buttons is what worked for my daughter. For my son it was stickers.