Adult daughter problems

[40plussquirrel]

My daughter is 20 and I adore her. She lives at home and is involved with a man 10
years older. He’s a drug addict and has multiple kids to different women. He
doesnt work and has lots of mental health problems. My daughter has been with him a year now and she acts like she hates me and her step
dad. We let him stay at ours for a month and then found out he was doing drugs so put him out. My daughter won’t come home with out jim. I’ve tried talking and telling her she deserves better she’s getting herself in debt to pay for hotels and for him to live and he just doesn’t deserve her. She thinks im awful cos I won’t let him in my home - told her she can come
home anytime please help am I losing her

This sounds like a really tough situation to be in - we're no experts in family dynamics but we do sympathise.

We're sure there are other users in a similar position so hold tight and someone will be along soon to offer their wisdom.

I would stick to your guns, unless you think letting him back into your home and notifying the police of his habits would be worth it. It depends on whether he is likely to have more than a 'for personal use' amount, I imagine.

Really sad
and i think the nothing you can do is hold the line and say you will not tolerate him taking drugs in your house so he cannot stay.

What’s your daughter doing. Is she studying or does she have a job / any sort of life plan?

I've not been in this situation OP but wanted to let you know I've read your post and sympathise. I too would encourage you to maintain this boundary of not letting him in your home. No good will come of that. It's typical that our kids, even when adults, don't want to listen to our advice. Does your DD have any friends or someone her own age who could try to reason with her that she might listen to?

Sometimes we just have to let our offspring make their mistakes. All you can do is keep telling her you love her, that she (alone) is welcome to come back home, and be ready to pick up the pieces when/if she does. He obviously has a hold over her. I hope she manages to see the situation for what it is and come to her senses.

Do you know any of her friends?

You know that you can't let a drug addict stay in your home with you. Unfortunately, your DD is under his spell by the sounds of it and any negativity about him will push her away.
It sounds terrible OP but keep calm, keep talking to her about everything apart from this relationship. When you do see her keep conversation light and don't confront her about him. Make sure she keeps in touch with you and when it all goes wrong, which it will, hopefully she will know that she can go to you for support and comfort without judgement.

My daughter was involved with someone that I (justifiably) hated. In your situation, given it sounds as though he doesn't believe in contraception for himself, I'd be willing to pay my daughter to have an implant or something similar. The very very last thing she needs is to have that loser's child.

Hard as it is, I think you do have to stick to the line you have adopted on this.

Reiterate as many times as necessary to your DD that SHE ALONE is welcome to come home to you at any time, but you cannot have her boyfriend because you won't have anyone doing drugs in your house. The lines of communication remain open, but the boundary regarding junkie boyfriend is adhered to, no questions.

I do let my DDs have their partners at my house when they wish, but all are nice and none do drugs. I'd definitely draw the line there.

Drug addict - what drugs are we talking? Because it does make a different whether it's weed or something else.