Toddler behaviour

[maisandnorie]

My daughter is 18 months and we are repeatedly having to sign incident forms at Nursery. First it was biting and that was a spell of biting that spanned 3 or so weeks and then no forms for probably a few months until now. She bit a baby’s toe on Thursday and today she hit someone with a cube. I’m not sure what is causing her to act like this. She’s not overly handsy with us, maybe only if we are holding her and we don’t listen when she suggests she wants to get down will she bite your hand so you stop doing what she wants you to stop.
I am sure it is just developmental behaviour, I know she cannot make rational decisions, she can only say a handful of words for goodness sake so I’m trying not to overthink it. My husband and I are very strong willed and when pushed both have boundaries. But the way that nursery keep giving me the news on pick up is making me more and more upset and making me feel like they’re suggesting she’s not a nice person. As any mother is, I am fiercely protective and I’m just finding the whole thing really upsetting.

has anyone been through similar and come through the other side with a kind and loving child? I’m so worried she is going to be horrible to others :(

That sounds stressful im
sorry. Have they given you any context of the incidents ie was she frustrated or hungry / tired, wanted what the other child had etc? Do they tell you how they’ve dealt with it?

It is a totally normal behaviour but there will be a reason she’s doing it, to get attention (any attention is good with her even if they are cross with her), to get something she wants, basically to tell someone something.

it’s not possible to watch toddlers constantly but nursery should be watching patterns and when she’s calm suggesting she tell them xyz in a different way. You can role play at home and pretend a doll has bitten for xyz reason and explain the right way to communicate

Are you happy with the nursery generally? This happened to my eldest a little bit and in hindsight the nursery was not right for her and I should have moved her sooner

My friends child bit every day and they moved him to a more outdoor based nursery and he hasn’t bitten since!

sorry edited to add absolutely no way she will be horrible to others!! No indication of this at all, totally totally normal behaviour and if nursery are suggesting in any way that it isn’t that’s awful

She’s only 18 months. I wouldn’t overthink it. She wants something the other kids have or they’re annoying her and she doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to explain this so the frustration comes out as a bite. If otherwise she seems happy there then I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. It’s a not uncommon toddler phase. Just maybe have a chat with them to see if you can identify triggers (e.g. is it always right before lunch, perhaps she’s grumpy because she’s hungry) and align on your reactions so you deal with it the same way nursery does, and to help her learn.

We're in the toddler trenches with our three-year-old, and I just wanted to say the incident forms at pickup are honestly the worst part. That sinking feeling that they're telling you something about your child is awful, but most of the time they're just covering themselves, not judging her.

At 18 months a bite is basically a sentence she can't say yet. The fact that she's only really handsy when she's trying to make something stop really backs that up - she wants down, or space, and has no words for it. That doesn't mean she'll be horrible to others. Every kid I know who went through a biting spell has come out of it a perfectly kind little person. Try not to let the forms make you doubt her, or yourself.

My DS2 went through a hitting / pushing phase at the same age so I feel for you OP. To reassure you, he has grown into a lovely kind teenager who works hard at school and has lots of friends. It was really stressful at the time though. It went on for months!

Gosh, thank you all SO much. This has me in tears, I really really appreciate all of the comments and reassurance. It so so tough. I want nothing more than for her to be a kind and gentle person and it is so hard with all of this. She can be so loving sometimes that I think you’re all right and these actions are just sentences she physically cannot say. I just wish Nursery could be more on top of stopping her doing it, my husband had this view and I thought it was unfair but really after reading the responses, they do need to help a bit. I even had to say she gets a bit aggy when tired and then they realised that actually it did happen just before nap time and she was looking very tired… 🙃