9 year old not sleeping and won’t fall asleep on their own.

[Worriedmamma19]

9year old DS has never slept through the night always wakes up often with a nightmare sometimes almost a hallucination where he wakes up but then starts shouting when he sits up or gets out the bed. Also he won’t go to sleep on his own at night I have to stay upstairs with him till he falls asleep now he’s older it’s getting later for him to fall asleep it can sometimes be ten thirty by the time he’s asleep and I have no evening to do jobs.
Ive tried everything I can think of and really need advice.

Hello does he have ADHD or autism? Have you looked into magnesium?

it is common amongst children with adhd and or autism to struggle to fall asleep. Many do get medication through nhs Peadiatrician. My daughter did used to get melatonin to support with sleep. She’s almost 12 but will need one of us with her.

have you tried just pushing back the bedtime routine. If he’s not falling asleep til late just starting later? It is worth a call to your GP, I’m not sure how it works for getting melatonin if he isn’t ND.

How is he when he co-sleeps with a parent?

I’m not sure nothing has been said by school but I sometimes wonder about adhd as he talks allot almost manic sometimes and gets quiet fixated on his interests, doctors have been dismissive when I’ve spoken to them in the past but might have to bring it up again. It’s like his brain is allways active. I fall asleep really fast so I find it difficult understanding it from his perspective, the fact that I’m permanently exhausted isn’t helping.

If we do co sleep I don’t really sleep as he seems to move around quite allot throughout the night.

Sounds similar to my 7 year old who is being assessed for ADHD and Autism. He is still awake now and I can’t keep my eyes open! Needs someone with him to fall asleep as well. No advice, but agree it’s really hard. I let him read in bed while I potter about and always get my PJs on early

You don’t need school to start the process of getting him assessed. Speak to your GP, if you can afford private look into it. It does sound there could be ADHD traits there.

My son has autism and adhd and the only thing that has helped is to have a very stimulating bedtime routine, it goes against the grain as we are told to make everything calm and relaxing but for a child with ADHD they need that stimulation to get a good night sleep. It has helped a lot but it’s no miracle and hasn’t ‘fixed’ him

That sounds more like night terrors - does he actually wake up when he's shouting? If he's not fully awake & doesn't remember it in the morning it's more likely to be night terrors.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/night-terrors/

I agree it could be night terrors/ anxiety. This will sound picky but is actually really important in reframing your thinking. You say he WON’T fall asleep which sounds wilful or defiant when it’s likely he CAN’T fall asleep without support.