Pushed 2yo to get him off me

[StrugglingSonia]

Background: I'm 25w pregnant and have been really suffering this time, mostly due to severe anaemia (total exhaustion, bed-bound most days). I've been on sertraline since b traumatic birth of DS (2.4yo). Partner is a good, hands-on dad to DS but has been very cold towards me throughout pregnancy, and very resentful that he's had to take on more childcare while working a stressful job (I also work full-time, but from home so it's easier).

This morning, after being up with DS for 2 hours in the night because he had a nightmare, I was woken by him climbing all over me, his ice-cold little hands all over my face and neck, trying to stand on my bump, generally being boisterous. I asked him very calmly several times to stop, he ignored me, so I sat up (calmly) and got out of bed. Cue tantrum, clinging to my legs trying to drag me back into bed. I had a pounding headache and suddenly snapped: I pushed him to get him off me and left the room. DS cried. Partner yelled at me, I cried in the spare room for an hour, then got up and hugged DS and apologised (who was happily zooming round on his bike by then). Partner told me I was clearly not coping with raising DS and needed to go and stay at my parents'. Then left to take DS to a birthday party.

Was I abusive for pushing DS? Should I leave? Sorry if this would be better in a different thread, I've never posted before.

When you say you pushed him what exactly do you mean? If your partner was in the room he really should have intervened before then. If you say pushed him back on the bed I don’t think that is so shocking, I would probably have lifted and placed down in that scenario but normaly I would expect my partner to be helping. Was he injured? Did you push him into something? If not then tbh it sounds like your partner is overreacting.

At that point in a challenging second pregnancy my OH was doing all the food cooking most of the housework and most of the heavy lifting with our toddler, if I needed a break he’d take her off my hands. Only you know if you really crossed a line and your child is at risk of serious harm from you or you ‘snapped’ and were much rougher/harsher than the kind of parent you aspire to be. If the latter I think the issue may be more around you needing more support at home.

I’ve done that and for much less provocation. Give yourself a break and tell your partner to buck up and help next time!
My son is now 23 and we are very close even though we clashed A LOT in his younger years. I wasn’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. You do your best but we are human and sometimes it’s all just too much.

Thanks for the reply. No he wasn't injured at all, I didn't push him in that way. I just sort of snatched my leg away and firmly pressed him back so that he couldn't grab it again. Partner was tidying up post-nappy change but watched the whole thing unfold.

It's definitely not the kind of parent I want to be, and I made sure I repaired things with DS (who was happy as Larry within seconds of it happening). Mostly I want to know if partner has any kind of right to force me to leave our home over it.

Of course you don’t need to leave. You partner should be supporting you in this and telling 2 yo mummy is pregnant and you can’t climb all over her, you should have done as she said.

While this shouldn’t be a regular occurrence it is fine and understandable as one off and probably the only way 2 yo is going to learn.

Your partner sounds like a bit of an idiot tbh, why wasn’t he helping you?