Dh using the lounge tv for gaming

[turquoiseshone]

We have a 10 year old who stays up until 9 on school nights and 10 weekends.
She likes to sit with us in the evening but Dh used the lounge tv for gaming.
She does have a tv in her room but doesn’t want to spend her evenings in her room and her younger sister is in bed at 7 and they share a room.
She gets bored and wants to watch tv but Dh wants to game.
I don’t think this is fair as the kids get older and stay up later.

How many kids to you have. He sounds like a selfish immature prick

So I guess I should also be kicked out of my house being a keen gamer?

luckily I have consoles linked to bedroom tv and lounge tv so can switch it up depending on need.

bit then often I play on big tv and partner games on his pc in same room (with headphones)

Exactly, and there were no ipads, usually just one TV 4/5 channels, yet we managed without parents being with us every second of the evening. I would suffocate my dcs if I did that. You can have family time, but we all need our own time as well. I need a little time before sleep to switch off too.

Absolutely no issue with him gaming, its only the same as a mum MNing, looking on Vinted/ebaying, or searching like mad for ages for the perfect beauty advent calendar. But he does need to do it elsewhere when your DD wants to spend time with you.

Not at all...I would have an issue with him monopolising the main TV every night and think there should be compromise there. But a pp was suggesting he didn't parent as he was gaming...I don't think thats fair and I think adults should have opportunity to take time for themselves

Just as I would have an issue with the dd choosing to watch certain TV shows on the main TV every night, if her parents had no interest in those shows.

There should be compromise

Why is his time more important thsn family time

It really doesn't have to be an all or nothing choice though. Of course parenting takes commitment, but expecting adults to never have personal downtime or hobbies in the evening isn't realistic either. There's a big difference between totally checking out versus finding a healthy balance where kids learn independence and parents get a chance to unwind after a long day. We again don't know what the dh has done with hia family in the daytime either. I pop up for a bath some evenings, am I opting out of family time?

@turquoiseshone well your DH is going to have to compromise isn't he, and not game every night...

My 10 year olds are in bed by 8.30pm (9pm weekend) then they're allowed to read for an hour. Absolutely no screens after 8pm with the exception of watching The Traitors at the moment. I read to them for 30 to 45 minutes most nights.

Why don't you go and do something else with your DD if the TV is in use? Reading? Some art? Make something?

Do you never take time for yourself? Is every waking minute in your household spent as family time?

I think its fine to have a balance of family time and also time for your own thing.

But i bet you're happy to watch love island, big brother or get me out of here all night?

Surely there is a compromise here? Take it in turns with who gets to use the TV if you only have one. You could have a night each for your choice and then the other nights are spent together - watching a film you all like, playing games, chatting, whatever.

Children need to learn that they don’t monopolise everything when they’re awake. Adults are allowed to do things for themselves too, including gaming even if MN doesn’t approve.

Selfish! Wants to game, should use a TV in a room thats not meant for everyone else.

Gosh major outlier here but I think after 8pm the living room is for adults? If you don’t watch TV then him gaming is fine. Daughter needs a tablet or read a book/something else.

I asolutely would not dominate a family area with a private 'hobby' during family time. No way.

Agreed that adults should have downtime and totally agree that kids should use their own imaginations and entertain themselves. I'm nearly 70, so I was very much brought up in a world where adults came first and foremost. The situation has almost completely reversed these days. But nobody should be hogging the family lounge every single evening for their own personal "hobby". And yes, I'm afraid it does stick in my throat to call gaming a hobby. Not sure what a compromise would look like, but I don't think the OP's DH wants to find out.

We do other things, last night we sat in the kitchen and played a card game, sometimes we go for a walk and sometimes she and I both get engrossed in our phones until Dh said to dd that’s enough screen time now and she sits on the sofa bored.
She doesn’t ask for specific programs but would just like to watch tv in the evening.
What used to be him gaming while the kids were in bed has changed as she has got older and is up later.

Can you not compromise and alternate time with the tv, so you're all getting fair use? If dd was sitting bored, could she not have watched tv on an ipad/tablet for that particular time. You need to discuss time limits, so you're all getting to have your downtime.

Kids shouldn’t have tvs in their rooms. She needs to be able to watch the big telly and he needs to game elsewhere

Once again Mumsnet is so out of touch and the extreme reaction to gaming is almost parody like.

Not saying he is right to dominate the family space but the "gives me the ick," "sticks in the craw to call it hobby," "he's a child" is such an anomaly in a world where gaming is a hugely mainstream (and increasingly less gender diverse) part of our culture.

Also people here need to calm down in the performative riling up of "he's an idiot, he's selfish, he's not parenting" to what is a relatively small issue that just needs compromise. It happens so much now, as if there is a competition to call people they don't know names, it makes you seem unreasonable and takes away your point.

Same here, lt must be like living with a huge overgrown teenager. Embarrassing.

Tvs should not be in kids bedrooms ever. And is the gaming suitable for DC? Check the age certificate.

We have 2 tvs in the living room, next to each other, so both kids can have their hour of screen time and DH and I can have a movie while he games or shock vice versa. Headphones are used for one or both screens or one is muted. We spend most of the time out and about but when we are home on screens it is so nice to have flexibility to have 2 things going on and be in the same room. And for family movie night we have just 1 screen on and a bowl of popcorn. All good in moderation!

I can't imagine my dh plugging into the family tv lol..yes he enjoys gaming to but it's once the kids have gone to bed and not every night depending on work shift next morning

Both DH and I game but we still watch tv together a lot and do all manner of other things plus we have our own set ups. There is nothing wrong with gaming unless it dominates a household as a hobby to the detriment of the family unit. The same with any other hobby. even something deemed wholesome by MN if a man read a book for the same amount of hours and ignored his family for hours even if expanding his mind it would still be ignoring his family.

He needs to have a set up somewhere else and engage with his family.

For years the only PlayStation we had in the house was in the lounge. So watching tv and gaming was very much a matter of compromise and sharing. DH should not be taking over

Your DH is being selfish. He wants to game, so the rest of the household can't watch TV? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

If he wants to game he can buy a screen and set it up elsewhere. The TV is then free to be used as a TV.

Why are you putting up with his behaviour?