Living far from family

[gem90xo]

I moved to my husband’s hometown 8 years ago (2 - 2.5 hour drive from my hometown).
Not long before this I lived abroad for 2 years, so the move felt ok at the time as I’d already lived so far for a while.

We now have a 10 month old baby, and it really breaks my heart that they have to go weeks between seeing my son. I have a few friends here and my husband’s family are amazing, but I have felt quite lonely since being on maternity leave. I don’t know whether this might improve when I go back to work, as although I’m busy with my baby, I find myself with a lot of thinking time and wishing that I had my mum closer to just pop in. We are also very close to my husband’s parents, siblings and their kids.

My husband’s family have recently moved to about 35 minute drive away and we have been talking about moving to this area in a couple of years, as the schools are better, and it means his family can help us more easily with the odd childcare if needed (as they have been since he was born).

I guess it’s the talks of moving house that has me thinking about the future and being so far from my own parents. Unfortunately it’s not an option for them to move closer to me for several reasons.

I’ve been looking at “half way points” that could put us around an hour from my husband’s family and around 1 hour 15 from mine. Would this be totally stupid as it would isolate us from both sides of the family in terms of having no one “around the corner”? My husband would need to find a new job (mine is remote) and we wouldn’t know anyone in this area.

I’m not a confident long distance driver but this does feel a lot more manageable to see my family compared to just over 2 hours each way.

It would also make it easier for them to come to us, but I realise it puts us in a bad position in terms of if we need last minute help we have no one who can be there really quickly, and we would probably end up spending a lot more time in the car over all.

I’d be grateful for opinions as I generally have kept this internal struggle to myself, but I don’t know if it’s currently feeling a lot worse where I’m on mat leave and have a lot of time on my hands and at a time in my life where I am feeling like I need my own mum a lot more.

Does anyone else live quite far from their parents and how do you manage with your children? I think I know logistically, moving half way is probably stupid and could make life harder to have zero “round the corner” support, but I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of sadness and guilt now I have a baby, and worry constantly about my parents needing help when they get older and me being so far 😢

Honestly, I think youve got it good with inlaws on the doorstep. I wouldn't move to be a distance from both - and i write that as parents 150 miles away, and in-laws 260 miles away. Keep at least one set nearby - both fir niw, when you might benifit from some help, and for later, when they might benifit from some help.

We live about an hour from my parents and about 2 hours from my PILs (just MIL now after PIL died a couple of years ago). I would say the big difference about living an hour away is that you can make a day trip of it, whereas 2 hours typically (although not necessarily) involves an overnight stay. My parents used to come once a week and pick the kids up from school and look after them for a couple of hours until DH and I got home from work, have dinner with us and then head home - that's much easier with a 2 hour round trip than a 4 hour round trip. (They don't do it any more - my kids are teens now and they're in their mid to late 80s and it would be too much for them. I usually travel to see them now.) We used to see my PILs less often - usually for a weekend every few weeks.

in other words, yes, I do see a benefit to being an hour away from both sets of parents rather than one close by and one 2 hours away.

You say that DH would need to change jobs if you moved. Is that a possible problem? How easy is it for him to find a new job?