Any early childhood teachers here - advice?

[SkyBlue1987]

Hi all, my just turned three year old has been in daycare since 9 months and drop offs are only getting worse and worse. Trantrums to get in the car, on the way there and the teachers have to hold him screaming while I leave. We recently tried switching to a half day kindergarten (for half the week) in case he was getting bored at the daycare but he’s still hating it. He has friends at daycare and is happy at pick up but every morning he shouts ‘no daycare’ or ‘no kindy’. He’s a smart child and neurotypical as far as I can tell. He doesn’t like lots of noise but the daycare he goes to is small numbers. I do shorter hours so he is only in care 6/7 hours a day 4 days a week. He is a real homebody and always wants to stay home which is part of the problem. Anyone got any ideas how I can help him? It’s not an option for him to stay home I need to work for financial reasons but every morning after drop off I feel exhausted and sad. He acts the same whether it’s me or my partner dropping him off. I have another child as well who was never this difficult with drop offs.

Hmmm? There’s a few things you can try.
Do you have to stay with this daycare? A fresh start can be good, if he has built up an association with being upset at drop off with this setting. If you can’t move daycare, then you can try things that will help with the separation anxiety. You can give him some old keys to look after while he’s at daycare. Tell him that now he is a big boy, you need him to look after your keys until you get back. It gives a child something tangible to look after and it’s an insurance policy for them that you’ll be back to collect them.

could you ask one of the staff members that he likes to do some work with him outside of daycare, so that he can build up trust in one of his teachers and she can be a comfort to him when he’s upset? You would need to pay them for their time obviously, but often younger daycare workers also do ad-hoc babysitting to earn a bit of spare cash. Do something like go to the park with one of his teachers or have a hot chocolate and a biscuit at a cafe with them.

You may need to go right back to settling in routines as well, temporarily. So you go and stay with your son for maybe an hour and then take him home. Reward him afterwards if he doesn’t kick up a fuss. Then, the next day go again and this time spend a bit of time ‘getting a coffee’ and then returning and taking him home. The next day tell him that you’re staying but you need to have a meeting with someone at daycare and again return quickly to pick him up and take him home. It’s not a quick and easy fix but some of these ideas may help. Some children just have a stronger sense of anxiety when separated from their parents and it’s about you and your child trying different coping strategies. A hug button drawn on his palm can also be helpful but it can also trigger a child to remember how much they miss their parents, so it doesn’t always work.