What age to give child a phone?

[Mumofthree28]

My 11 year old daughter in year 6 really wants a phone, majority of her friends got them at the beginning of year 5 as they started walking home but I’ve been putting it off.
we originally said end of primary school before secondary but it’s something she keeps asking about.
for context, she’s a very mature, sensible 11 year old ( she’s a September baby so one of the oldest in her class)

wwyd and what ages did you let your children have a phone?

We got our oldest one just before secondary school so that she could keep in touch with us whilst she was walking, and also keep in touch with her primary school friends. At the time we got her a basic samsung and locked it down with parental controls but I am looking at the pinwheel phone for my youngest (similar age to yours). A friend got one for their DS and it's great, they have access to whatsapp (if you choose to enable it) but not to social media until you unlock the google play store for them. Shop Pinwheel Phones UK | Plus 6

A phone that calls, texts and you can track. Not a smart phone.

www.smartphonefreechildhood.org

As late as possible - the evidence keeps mounting up that phones / online / social media are all hugely influential in the mental health deterioration we have seen over the last few decades - it is perfectly possible for a child to survive without a phone - they might not thank you for it, but you are the parents, and the parent's job is to do what is best for a child...

We were going to give dd a phone at age 11 when she went to secondary school, but read a lot of research on the impact of smartphones and social media, and we ended up deciding to delay it until much later. She doesn't have a phone now at age 14. She travels independently by public transport to school but if there's an issue with the tube, she knows which bus she could get as an alternative without needing a phone to check it, and she is close enough to walk home. At year 6 in primary she started walking home but we live 5 mins away (we specifically chose the house to be near school) and I didn't feel anxious that she needed to stay in touch with me during that walk.

Got a Nokia in year 6, and still has that in year 7. Calls and texts only. So far its been OK and she's not been bugging me for a smartphone as much as I thought she would. Got a contract that's less than £3 a month for unlimited calls and texts.

My DS9 got one for his birthday (very good second hand still in box). He spends alot of time at grandparents due to my work shifts and he plays out in their little village which is where I grew up and very safe however I wanted him to have it incase of an accident (falling off his bike etc), he has also started walking our dog alone this year so I like him to have it incase of any emergencies. He rarely uses it other than for these reasons. He doesn't have access to social media and has a very cheap £5 labara sim so just makes calls and texts.

My DS just got one for his 11th birthday 2 weeks ago - no large group chats or socials allowed, and he knows it's subject to random checks. Also not allowed to use it after 7pm. Reading back sounds bit draconian but learnt the hard way with his older brother - especially with the class group chats which are brutal.
He's delighted he can chat to pals and we are delighted he can contact us, and he accepts the 'rules'. Start as you mean to go on.

Before you buy a phone, make it clear what you are giving DD. Some kids will have no internet and time restrictions so you may find that DD is angry when you don’t do the same.

What I mean is make sure she understands that it’s no to social media like TikTok (some kids will have this) , WhatsApp, YouTube or whatever and there will be daily time limits on it. Phone will be charged by you at night and she can’t have it back until after school or whatever rules are necessary. It’s easiest to give a non-smart phone so that she can only text or call. Apps like Snapchat have disappearing messages so you won’t be able to monitor what she does and sees.

Basically I’m saying that smartphones are a slippery slope for many and if you buy one, you could be in for lots of future arguments and upset (especially because of social media and chats)

Many secondary schools use apps so she may need a laptop or tablet that runs these but that’s school specific so I can’t comment further.

I would personally look up the phone policy of the secondary school that she’s likely to go to. Some schools are clamping down hard on phones and only allow a non-smart phone.

My children had them at the start of year 6 as wanted to walk to and from school alone but I took them away at night time and had Google family so I could see what they were accessing, have to approve app downloads and put phone in to down time if needed, they were allowed any social media either until they were 13

Another tip is:

don't give the child a phone...
lend them a phone...

part of the issue is that a pre-adolescent child keen to have a phone is happy to accept any conditions - however, that same child at 14 or 15 might be pushing boundaries a little bit more... if you have 'given' them the phone, then they will feel (and understandably) that right is on their side - their phone, their decisions.

if however you position phones as being an adult tool which you are prepared to lend them, then it is always framed as your phone which they have the privilege of borrowing - privileges can be revoked - it is not a right. Kills flat most teenage arguments.

It is not dissimilar to when they drive - do they borrow your car / do you buy a new car 'for the family' which they can borrow / do you buy them a car - different psychological positions...

I have said 10 for their first phone, and allowed calls, texts, spotify, camera, tracking, and 1 hour per day of videos only. Mainly used for music and independent trips to the local park.

At 12/13, they can have WhatsApp, but only group chats where they know everyone.

Strict downtime overnight, permission needed to install everything and i can (and do) check at any time.

I’m 38 now and I had a phone age 11.

In fairness all I could do on it was call, text and play snake… but I still had a phone!

Mobile phones weren't so much of a thing when i was 11. I got my first at 14 and I was the last among my friends to get one. I did know someone who did have one til she went to uni. I think i would wait til secondary school, i don't see much point before.

Daughter had a dumb phone in year 6 last year for walking home from school, now has a balance phone. It was expensive (for me, I don't do iPhones and have cheap androids!) but was well worth it. Basically only can call/message/WhatsApp. Everything else is restricted internally no having to faff about with parental controls. I would of been happy to stick to the dumb phone but she likes taking photos so this is perfect. She also uses it for research, like this evening getting recipes for the weekend.
Phone (hers and mine) go in a little cupboard in the kitchen at night for charging. She's not allowed it in her room at night.
I don't do tracking either, I think it gives a false sense of security so trust is earnt like the good old old days, stick to the rules/curfews etcs and you'll be trusted!