Everything is hard work with 6 year old DD

[HelpPleaseNow]

Already have a thread going about picky eating.

I need to come up with a daily routine of how to handle my 6 year old DD. She has been strong-willed her whole life. But it is really hard, because we do just need to get things done.

Everything is a no. She doesn't like bath time, homework, won't do any chores like make her bed. Even getting her dressed is difficult and requires lots of time.

At school and with other people she is an angel. Very bright, teacher very happy with her. Plays really well with others. Just with me she is defiant.

I feel like I can't focus on anything - getting her a meal or snack is hard work, as she demands my attention 100% constantly.

I just need help getting through the daily routine.

How do you guys cope with this?

Oh gosh I remember this age. I had one who was incredibly difficult too. It was really hard. We had a routine and stuck to it. My main one was not expecting too much from her, she was exhausted after school and, as it took me longer than it should have to figure out, she needed to just so her own thing at home for a bit. We managed it be not sweating the big stuff and her knowing what was non negotiable. So eating tea, getting washed, homework, sensible bed time. They were set in stone. Otherwise no pressure but we were around if she wanted company and to do something like a game, a walk, or read etc!

It’s a bit of a case of riding it out in my experience. She started to grow out of it around 7-8. Although she’s 15 now and still needs to go straight to her room and be away from people for a bit after her school day. It’s just how she rolls.

Does she use screens? The only time I have been an ‘evil stepmum’ in my household is when I took away the iPad and YouTube from SD when she was the same age. I just couldn’t take listening to that nonsense any longer and felt that it was severely negatively impacting her schooling and behaviour. It wasn’t a miracle cure but her behaviour improved massively.

The bit that jumped out was her demanding your full attention even over something as small as a snack, that kind of constant pull is exhausting in a way that's hard to explain unless you've lived it. The poster who said they stopped sweating the small stuff and kept a few things non negotiable sounds right, six year olds often manage better with fewer choices, not more. For flashpoints like getting dressed or homework, a simple run through of what happens next, shown rather than just told, can take the sting out of it being you asking. A calm, boring phrase ready for when she says no, instead of reasoning each time, helps stop it turning into a negotiation.

My DS is exactly like this. Always has been. He’s great fun too, but so defiant & demanding. I know how to handle him, it’s draining at times, DH doesn’t do as well as me!