School friends

[froggyfender]

My daughter is in Y1, having done nursery and reception in the same school. It doesn’t seem like she has a firm friend or group of friends at the moment, she just seems to flit between people/groups.

I think she’s happy enough, but I’m a bit worried that the other girls will all pair off or form little groups and she won’t be part of anyone’s friendship group, won’t be invited to birthday parties, play dates etc. She’s very friendly and chatty and lots of them shout to her and say hi when they see her, so I don’t think it’s anything about her, but there just isn’t anyone I’d say is a real friend and I can see the groups forming around her.

My other children are boys and it was all very different with them.

I also work FT and weekends are full of activities for all the kids so play dates are not easy, plus I’d rather keep to myself than stand at the school gates chatting, to be honest.

Is this normal in Y1 or should I be worried?

Normal I would say. Talk to the teachers if you are concerned.

Some friendships are made later, so dont worry too much. I know how hard it is when your busy, but really, all the good friends my kids have made, have been friendships we've nurtured through playdates when they were young. It's also good to have them round as sometimes it makes you notice if they're unkind etc and then when your child later notices, you can discuss it.

i think normal too. I think it's more like years 3-4 and beyond that the kids start to split into more distinct groups. At least in my experience.

My DD is same age and sort of in the same situation although luckily she does seem to have one firm friend who she sticks with now. I have no advice but solidarity as I worry about exactly what you're worrying about. I do think it's normal though, there are a few other girls that don't seem to have a set group yet.

So I have done a play date with one girl. I did it on a weekend and expected them to stay for maybe 2 hours (both mum and child), but she didn’t leave for nearly five hours!

Mum has said on a few occasions since (of her own volition) that we’ll have to arrange a date to go to theirs, but nothing ever eventuates. At the same time I understand that she has arranged play dates with a few of the other girls.

Parties are for everyone at this stage, never known anyone not invite the whole class for the first few years. If you don't want to do playdates that's your choice, but inevitably some of them do get closer with ones they see more. That said, as they get older they arrange their own meet-ups and there's no guarantee anyway, some people on average move away etc.

Ahhh that's fair enough. I kind of find the failed ones as useful as the successful ones as you can kind of nurture other friendships. I created a fake work call once to get rid of a family. And there's a kid I'll likely not let in the house again in the next 5 years... rude, destroyed the house, parent sat and watched. It's created interesting conversations with my children, they noticed their friend didn't say please or thank you and asked me how I felt about that. Also, an absolutely lovely kid often cheats on games. It's quite nice discussing it with my child afterwards about if that's okay and how to respond etc. I'd say my kids have learnt a lot from it. One kid said he never ate dinner unless he had a tablet to watch in front of him and I thought he was teying it on. He did eat dinner without a tablet with my kids, then I havd since found out it's true and he watches a tablet eating dinner every day. Hmmm.