How do I deal with this?

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our son (6) is awaiting ADHD assessment. He’s such a sweet caring bright boy. But he’s wild. He’s non stop. No matter what we try nothing seems to work. Nothing at all. The meltdowns are crazy, the energy is 1000000% 24/7. He gets rude, disrespectful and argumentative.

daughter is almost 3 - she’s going through the tantrum stage. The kids are gorgeous together but it doesn’t last. We constantly have to split them up. It’s exhausting. Neither sleep great and it’s like musical beds every single night in our house.

im awaiting a ADHD assessment myself and I’m not comping with it all. My head is completely overloaded 24/7 and I just can’t think straight anymore.

3 weeks ago my mum got diagnosed with cancer. I’m absolutely heart broken - we all are. She’s in hospital an hour away from our home town as that’s the specialist hospital so she is absolutely in the best place for her needs and tests etc. we aren’t sure of the next steps untill further scans are done and MDT has been complete. It’s terrifying either way it goes - a huge risky operation or not many choices left. I feel so bad for her - she’s a very fit and healthy woman and it completely breaks my heart my heart for her.
dad has been staying with us quite a

bit as he’s obviously struggling with it all too. My whole family are amazing but everyone is struggling to deal with this.

im trying to keep life normal as best I can at home with my family. Husband is great and very supportive.

its all out of my control and I can’t cope. It’s all just crumbling around me and have no idea what to do.

The level of noise and energy, I get absolutely 0 downtime to get myself. my head is gone. I can’t think straight and I know I’m being snappy with the kids. I don’t know how to deal with any of this.

Sounds like a very intense junction in a life journey which is hard enough anyway.

Are there any small pockets of support you can build in for yourself?

Do you have a partner and are they supportive?

Apologies, just reread and see you have a dh.

I am really sorry , that seems a very tough situation you are in . It is really difficult with all the competing demands on your time and energy with bad sleep thrown in as well .

Is there anyone else you can reach out to for support - what about your DH’s family / anyone else from your side of the family ? You are looking for people who can help you with the practical things / child care / hospital trips / taking kids to activities etc .

I think your most pressing concern is your Mum and her care and it is obviously very stressful for you all , when you don’t know what the next steps are . How is your dad coping with it all ? Is he able to come out with you with the 2 kids eg to the park and this might be a distraction for him .

I would also speak to your husband and be honest with him . Is there anything you can both do that would enable you to get a breather , as otherwise you are at risk of burnout .

Are there any short term solutions , friends / neighbours that could help out re taking your kids to activities / play dates or even after school care for your son ? I do appreciate that his ADHD is a big factor and he may not be as manageable as other kids , but does he behave for others/ mask his symptoms and then save diffucult behaviour for home ?

I think sleep has to be prioritised as well . Instead of playing musical beds, although not ideal - can you and your DH co - sleep with a child each for a short while - if you think that might enable you to get better sleep ?

Hopefully when you know more about your mum’s treatment , you will have a better idea where you are . If your dad is up to it , can you and he split some of the hospital visiting between you ? Is there anything practical you can do for that - taxis / lifts . Even if you do go with your dad for all the hospital trips / can you drop him off and come in for the last 20 minutes of the visit and use that time to grab a coffee / read a magazine - get some time for you .
Take care x

You’re dealing with so much at once, so it’s understandable that you feel completely overwhelmed. You don’t have to keep everything normal right now. If your husband and family can help, let them take some of the load off you, even if that means lowering your standards at home for a while. You need support and some breathing space too, not just to keep pushing through everything.