Mums of 4 or more

[fresherk]

So I've recently found out I am expecting my 4th child.

I really couldn't bear the thought of being done with the baby stage, and so desperately wanted to give my other three another sibling. (They ask us almost every single day for another baby in the house.) I knew I wouldn't feel done until we had one more. My husband was happy to do whatever I was comfortable with.

But at the same time maybe 10% of me thought maybe I could have been done. Maybe I'd move onto a new stage... (we currently have a 10, 8 & 5). So we weren't actively trying but we know how babies are made!

So, let it not be misunderstood, I am over the moon to be expecting a new addition, but I also feel a bit mixed about what 4 children means for us. Im 36, I work casually and my husband is the main earner. He does earn a good salary. We usually have 1 main holiday a year, with a couple of maybe short breaks dotted around. Our kids get to do nice days out. We discussed with them the implications of a 4th and financially what that would mean. Of course all of them said it didn't matter, but part of me knows that novelty will wear off. I want them to still have lovely experiences.

I suppose I am looking for reassurance. Did you have any of these same feelings moving into multiple children, how do you juggle having lots of beautiful babies? What sacrifices do you make? Any top tips?

Writing this and reading it back I appreciate how lucky I am to be in this situation. I suppose I am just nervous about what the future holds. Thanks, muddled up mama.

It will be lovely op. Bonkers but lovely. I have 5. We never have enough money (despite earning a lot of money really) but yours are well spaced which will help. I’m finding the teenage years brutally expensive. Am assuming you won’t need much childcare as babies don’t have to cost much. Do you need a new car??!!

Thanks for your reply. I'm glad you find it lovely. We will definitely need a new car, but that was on the cards anyway so it's manageable. We won't be paying for childcare. My work is from home mostly and flexible. So that's a saving, I do think the teenage years are daunting, but hopefully by then I'll be able to work more. It's all unknown at this stage.

You’ve only recently found out you’re pregnant but you’ve already discussed the financial and practical implications of a fourth child with your existing children who are all of primary school age? Why? Sounds like a way to foster sibling resentment of the new baby long before it’s even born.

My 4 are all grown up now and I know times have changed but it was honestly the happiest time of my life. Yes, sometimes I was exhausted and had lots of crappy part time jobs which avoided paying for childcare.
Obviously we needed a bigger car and we did have an extension on the house but I’d go back to those days in a flash if I could.

We discussed it before having a 4th child. So the whole family had a say in how it would likely affect us. Thankfully my children are very large hearted so fostering resentment is not something I'd ever expect from them. Our children do not yet know about the new pregnancy. But, thanks for your helpful comment!

That's really lovely to hear. I absolutely love being a mum, and we have a lovely family unit. I know they are all still quite little but these have been literally the best years. Its reassuring to hear people share that having a 4th is a lovely happy thing. I appreciate the positive comment.