Am I being too strict, or is my sister completely overstepping the mark?

[Tryingtodomybest38]

Can I please get some honest opinions on this situation because I'm genuinely upset and starting to question myself.
My son is 13, and like many parents, I'm worried about him falling in with the wrong crowd. Me and my partner (his stepdad) are doing everything we can to guide him in the right direction and keep him safe.
We've had conversations with family members about certain things my son has been asking for, including catapults and electric scooters, and we've made it clear that we don't agree with him having either.
Unfortunately, in our area, there have been problems with children using catapults to smash windows and hurt animals. I'm absolutely not saying my son would do these things, but I don't want to take that risk. I also don't want him getting himself into trouble or potentially hurting himself or someone else.
Last night, my son came home from playing out, and I found a catapult in his coat pocket. After asking a few questions, I discovered that my older sister (43) had actually gone out and bought him one and given it to him while I was at work, without discussing it with me or my partner.
I'm absolutely furious.
I confronted her because, regardless of whether she thinks a catapult is harmless, she knew our views and deliberately went against them. What makes it worse is that she works with children herself.
Her response was that we're too strict and that my son wouldn't do anything wrong with it. That may well be true, but surely that's a decision for us as his parents to make? And if she genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with buying it, why was it all kept secret?
The same goes for electric scooters. I won't allow my son to have one because of the issues we're seeing locally with children riding them dangerously, causing problems for residents and getting into trouble with the police. Again, apparently that makes me too strict.
For a bit of background, I was in a very unhappy relationship with my children's biological father for years. He has very little involvement in their lives. I'm now in a loving, stable relationship and due to get married next year. My partner has stepped up massively for my children and treats them as his own.
Since leaving my previous relationship, my children's behaviour has improved drastically. My eldest son is thriving in his apprenticeship and has recently passed his driving test. I'm incredibly proud of him, and my partner has played a huge part in supporting and guiding him.
Yet my sister has now started tearing my partner apart, claiming he's too strict and criticising the way we parent.
What has hurt me even more is that this week marks 19 years since I lost my twins after they were born prematurely. It's an incredibly difficult time of year for me, and my emotions are already all over the place. Instead of showing any understanding, my sister has accused me of being too strict, not caring about my children and putting other people's needs before theirs.
That couldn't be further from the truth. My children have a loving, stable home, everything they need, holidays, support, encouragement and two people who genuinely want the best for them. We have rules and boundaries, but surely that's part of being a parent?
To make matters worse, I'd only started speaking to my sister again around 10 days ago following another disagreement about her interfering with my parenting. This is now our fourth falling-out in less than three years, and it's always over the same issue. I've repeatedly asked her to respect our boundaries, but she just doesn't seem willing to.
She's also supposed to be my bridesmaid when I get married next year, but after the things she's said and the way she's treated me, I'm genuinely questioning whether I even want her involved.
I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, and I'm certainly not saying my children are perfect either. I'm just trying to raise them to be respectful, responsible young people and keep them away from situations that could get them into trouble.
So, am I genuinely being too strict by refusing to let my 13-year-old have a catapult or electric scooter? Or am I right to be angry that my sister has deliberately gone behind our backs and undermined our parenting?
I'd really appreciate some honest opinions because I'm feeling incredibly hurt by the whole situation.

I more than likely wouldn't let my 13 year old freely have those things just because of how people use them, as you say. But I do allow my kids freedom and let them have things in other ways.

I don't try and avoid them talking all and any risks either in terms of something that could potentially end in an injury, or in terms of them being unsupervised. To an age appropriate degree, of course.

So I guess what I'm saying is that if you are generally an anxious and overly cautious parent, then I think she has more of a point than if you are not.

I personally dont think your being to strict about catapults or scooter but even if you are its not your sisters place to parent your child. Im a relaxed parent but still have/had rules and would expect them to be followed.
BB guns were big round here years ago and my youngest was desperate for one, my argument wasnt that I didn't trust him (he knew how to shot) it was the BB gun was dangerous and kids are stupid when all together and someone else might of used it and could of had horrendous outcome.
My children all can ride quads and motorbikes and have done since age 5, my family have always been against their children learning which is their right and I would never of invited them to join us. ( was on farm land so was safe, now adults so none of them interested)
Kids do stupid things, especially when theirs a group of them together and its upto you to parent your child and if/when they screw up be their for them and make sure they learn

I don't think you are too strict, not for refusing a catapult and something it is illegal to use.

My parents were strict. I had to walk home a particular way from school, it added about 2 miles to the journey had I walked with the other children who lived near.

I mostly was not allowed out to play, I certainly was not allowed to knock on a door and ask another child if they wanted to play out.

That is strict parenting.

Your sister is an idiot.

I don't think it's possible to tell if you are "too strict" from just a few paragraphs. Either way though, you are the parent and you get to make the decisions. If your sister genuinely knew that you had forbidden your son to have a catapult and got him one anyway then she is a dick. It sounds like she had acted this way before... I would really limit your and your children's contact with her.

It just wouldn’t occur to me to take my sister’s views in to account when it comes to MY children.

I would say ‘When it comes to my children, what I say goes, ok? I disregard your opinions. Aunties don’t get a say.’

From what you describe your not being too strict your just being sensible.

The privately owned e-scooters are illegal on roads and pavements so unless you have loads of land completely pointless anyway.

No child needs a catapult!
She is completely out of line but rather then admit that she's deflecting back to you. Don't fall for it. A simple these are our boundaries if you don't respect them then you will not be involved in their lives.

As an aside if your 13 year old wants to fire things then the decathlon archery set with suckered arrows is much better is an actual target and can't do any damage to other people.

Your sister is out of line crossing your perfectly reasonable boundary over the catapult/electric scooter matter. Provided you are not painting your partner as someone he’s not, I wonder if she’s jealous of you finding a decent partner/father figure for your kids. Is she used to a previous dynamic where you were relying on her for advice/support and you were the one whose life is a bit messy she can look down on? And is trying to undermine what she perceives as your partner’s influence on you that’s taken away her power over you?

Doesn't matter if you're too strict ( I don't think you are) the point is your DSIS went behind your back. Sounds like she's undermined you before so for now I'd be taking a step back from her. See how she behaves before deciding on whether she's your bridesmaid.