Deferring school entry

[JaneKanda]

Has anyone ever deferred their child's entry into reception year? Did you regret it?

I am considering deferring entry for my August born child as I don't feel they are ready to start school 5 days a week. My child goes to nursery 3 days a week and is absolutely exhausted and emotional on those days. She is also quite anxious and doesn't interact much with the other kids.

I would like to defer but do worry how she might feel being the oldest in the class later in life. I also don't want her to get bored repeating a nursery year.

What would you do if you had the chance to defer?

The people I know who deferred felt it was very positive.

These concerns are unfounded:
worry how she might feel being the oldest in the class later in life no one will care about this.

I also don't want her to get bored repeating a nursery year. This won't happen, nursery is fun.

”I also don't want her to get bored repeating a nursery year. This won't happen, nursery is fun.”

@concertinasnowflake

Not necessarily true. My DS, who is January-born, was already bored to tears at nursery by the time he turned 4 as he was the oldest boy in an (admittedly understaffed) preschool classroom. So were quite a few Autumn-born children I know who go to different settings. They were all chomping at the bit to move up, and by September they eagerly ran into Reception and then never looked back.

But then again, they were Autumn and Winter borns, quite the opposite to Summer Babies.

@JaneKanda

you know your child best. If you think she currently can’t cope with 3 full days at nursery and would benefit from a later start, you could either defer; or alternatively, try increasing her days at nursery (first to 4 days, then 5 days) and see how she manages. You could always reduce the days back to 3 a week if it’s too much and then make the decision to defer.

My child was deferred and it’s been fine.

Yes he’s the oldest in the classs….. but only by 6 days so he’s hardly scarred by it.

He started school 3 days after his 5th birthday and within the next four weeks another five children had all turn five years old too.

People seem to have this off idea that Summer Borns are “so much older than the rest of the class” when the reality is that that they’re probably only a few days/weeks older than the next oldest in the class.

Honestly OP, don’t worry about it.

Not necessarily, I know of two deferred children who got fed up at nursery as the older children went off to school and the younger children join the group which changes the dynamic. You can’t universally say ‘nursery is fun’.

They were older.

ETA: also read the op's description of the individual child.

Hence my caveat “but then again these are Autumn and Winter-borns, quite the opposite to Summer-borns”. The point I was trying to make was that nursery and preschool isn’t universally “fun” for all children.

I guess the thing is that you need to think through your reasons for wanting to defer and consider if these would actually be made better by an extra year in nursery.

I don’t think being exhausted and emotional after a busy day is necessarily a bad thing. My dc can be exhausted and emotional after a birthday party or a sleepover or a holiday. It doesn’t mean we don’t have birthday parties or go on holiday though. I’m emotional after a day of work sometimes, but I still go to work.

Also if nursery is exhausting and overwhelming, is another year of it the best thing? If she is socially anxious, a structured environment where she knows what is going to happen throughout the day may be better for her than free play for 8 hours at nursery. I wouldn’t necessarily assume school will be worse and not better.

If she is struggling socially (and I assume she’s only 3? 3 year olds don’t really have friends yet, so you may be projecting some of your own social anxiety onto a totally normal developmental stage), but if she is struggling, a fresh start and chance to meet new people might be just what she needs. Again I wouldn’t assume that school would be more of a challenge than nursery just because it’s school.

I didn’t defer mine, but I think deferring can be really beneficial for children who are summer born. I would think twice about getting her well out of sync with her age mates though. If she is 4 in December, that means she’ll be 6 in reception. Or 12 in Y6. She will probably be the first of her friends to go through puberty and get her period. You may get pressure to get her a phone before you’re ready and before her friends have one because she’ll be so much older than everyone else. She may be the tallest and most developed of her year (speaking from experience, that does not do great things for one’s confidence at 12!). These are the bigger picture things to think about as a consequence of any decision you make now.

My son was born at the end of July, so we had the chance to defer but didn't. He seemed pretty ready, he was already at the school nursery and also the school is very much focused on play-based learning in reception and most of year 1 so to be honest starting reception didn't feel like such a big jump for him. Of course he was quite tired doing a 5 day week but got used to it after a few weeks.

I wouldn't worry about her being the oldest when she'll only be a few weeks older than the September born kids. Have the nursery staff raised any concerns or recommend deferring?

Am I missing something in thinking it’s a bit odd to be posting this in October? Your DC may be tired now from full days at nursery but next September is 11 months away. They may have developed a lot by then. The summer before my summer-born DC started Reception, they announced they didn’t need a nap anymore (fine by me!). The first term I didn’t sign them up for any after-school clubs in case a full day of school was too tiring. We also eased off on playground/soft play in order not to overtire them. Someone in DC’s class has arranged with the school to have Fridays off school; flexi-schooling is something which is agreed on a case-by-case basis with your DC’s school. You also have the right to not start them at Reception until the term after their 5th birthday. Normally, keeping them back from starting Reception doesn’t mean they’ll then start Reception the next year, it means they’ll start straight into Year 1. If you want them to start in Reception, you’d have to apply for a special case, they’d then be classed as something like ‘out of sync year group’ or similar (sorry can’t remember this as it didn’t appeal to me!).

They weren’t older than OP’s child will be if she does defer though. They were 4.5 by the end of nursery, OP’s child will be 4.5 halfway through that academic year.

I think it’s a valid concern, especially if it is like a pre school where they have things they teach. Mine were both taught some basic phonics and how to write their name, for example. Starting that again could easily be dull. But a conversation with the staff, asking if they’ve had a deferred child before, could easily allay that concern. Or if they don’t really know, haven’t had a deferred child before, OP can factor that in.

Thank you for your responses. It is really helpful to have different perspectives.

Just to clarify a few things:

Because my child is born in August, she will be 5 years and 1 month if I defer when she starts reception year (unless the school say she needs to start year 1 directly).

I am thinking about this now as school applications open in November - a month away!

My other reasons for wanting to defer are that my job means she will be in breakfast club and afterschool club 5 days a week - so from 8am to 5pm from reception. It feels like a lot.

The current nursery is small, which is why I worry about boredom. I think they are more play based than learning based. I don't think they often deal with kids who have been deferred.

The PP who said 3 year olds don't really have friends and that it is natural to be over emotional and tired might be right. I do feel that there is a chance I am projecting my own concerns. I know I have to make the decision about school now but it does really feel very soon when my child has really just turned 3!

Have you done any actual research on the effects of starting school as a summer born child?

Or are you just considering this based on your current hypothetical thoughts and concerns etc?

I deferred my ds(22). There are benefits to being one of the more mature and confident in the class throughout primary, but the main benefits were being that little bit more mature when it came to secondary and exams and uni.

Then there is the social side, not being the last to able to learn to drive, be 18 starting uni, or after school holiday, be able to go to pub when friends can etc.

Ah good to know, breakfast club and after-school club does make it a very long day. Would you consider a childminder who could pick up your DC and take them to a quieter, more nurturing environment after school? And/or moving to a more learning-based nursery? Mine went to a pre-school attached to a prep school [similar prices to other nurseries] and learned a lot in terms of school-preparedness but also most of the EYFS curriculum, and still managed lots of play. The ratio of 30:1 or 15:1 (if there’s a TA) in Reception must be a shock after nursery, in terms of noise but also less personalized attention, so I’d be worried about that. I’d recommend applying this year from November anyway and then you can always defer later if you decide that’s what you want.