3 weeks post partum- all the emotions.

[peoniesandprosecco]

Hi all,
Just looking for a bit of advice as I am 3 weeks post partum with my second. I am feeling a bit all over the place- I desperately miss my first born (who’s right here!) and the bond we had ahead of my second much loved and much wanted baby arriving. Has anyone else felt like this? I just assumed it would all even out and fall into place once the second arrived but I have been hit with even more mum guilt than I had during pregnancy.

We had always said that we wanted two children, and I guess I expected to feel ‘done’ and totally complete when the second arrived. I have just turned 40 and very much had this as my cut off age in my head, but I have found myself thinking ‘what about just one more?’ over the past couple of weeks and ‘how do I never get to do this again?’ I loved being pregnancy and both my births as well as the newborn days and motherhood in general. Could be wild hormones?!

I know how lucky we are to have two healthy children but these feelings and emotions have floored me. Would appreciate any kind words.

100% hormones. We're programmed to want to reproduce, and your body isn't stupid - it knows time is running out so the pressure is real! However, you have two beautiful kids, already feel stretched thin and the risk of a disability that really detracts from the level of care you can give your current two increases a lot with age.
Regarding your first born, get a decent carrier and bung the newborn in that. I had an ergobaby embrace which my daughter stayed in for three months apart from nappy changes. She fed in it, slept in it, cooed in it. She was comfortable and safe,, and I could chase my just turned two year old around soft play and the farm just as before (minus the rollers).
These are the good months. It goes to shit a bit when the baby starts to move, but once it they can play together it's fabulous

Definitely hormones! It's a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, I could go from elated to weepy in the blink of an eye!

The truth is, having a 2nd does change your relationship with your eldest because they are not the absolute focus of 100% of your attention any more (though that is not actually a bad thing) and there is a lot of adjustment to the new reality for all of you. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself that you are all navigating this new family life and you're allowed to feel what you feel and if you cry and have a wobble, that's ok.

Try and carve out bits of time for your eldest. Give baby a big feed and then hand over to dad so you can play with, cuddle up and read stories with or go for a run around and a kick about in the garden. These regular short bursts of your full attention are needed, and there will be times when you have to say we need to feed/change/burp/get baby to sleep now. Get him or her involved and helping, that can see off any resentment towards baby.

I have a 7 week old snoozing in a cradle and I'm crying that she's growing. It's all hormones, doesn't make it easier but it will calm and you can get through it.

Thank you! ☺️ I think also because it’s more than likely our last baby it is all hitting pretty hard and bringing up so much, emotionally whilst trying to enjoy both children and the newborn bubble.

I felt great in the hospital and now I have so much anxiety and guilt. I find myself reliving both my births and am in floods of tears (both very positive c sections) that I will never get those experiences back and just wonder if at any point I won’t think about them and relive them in my head all the time. Today I cried because we don’t have a video of my firstborn being born (we do with my second) and I was inconsolable and blaming myself. 😭 Why though?! 🤪

My pregnancy was really hard on my mental health this time round (had cbt ahead of the birth to help with anxiety, but my first pregnancy my MH was great save for being anxious about a c section) and I just found being pregnant in the heatwave with a toddler and balancing work and family life so tough. I felt
huge amounts of guilt for changing my firstborn’s life and now of course I miss those seemingly hard days of just one! Feeling pretty lonely so thank you for the kind words.