I don’t know how to put it any other way, but I think I hate my life. I’m an older single Mum, my child’s father has not been involved since I told him I was pregnant. I work full time in a demanding job. Despite having some family living nearby (my own Mum actually lives with me) I don’t have anytime for myself unless it’s after my child has gone to bed, then I’m often too tired for most things.
And I think I’m just miserable. It’s like I’m always at the end of my patience, like I can physically feel it in my chest, I’m almost swallowing my anger / annoyance. I constantly read online about how a mother’s mental health is the key factor in a child’s happiness, and I’m so scared I am ruining her childhood. Like, I know I’m just performing every single day, but I don’t enjoy any of it. I wish I could be happy. And my child is so lovely, she deserves so much better.
You know when you see those things where it says ‘your child knows if you’re faking it’ or ‘a child doesn’t say they’ve had a bad day they ask you to play’ or ‘if you say no when your child asks you to play it tells them they’re not important’, but how am I mean to do everything? I wish I could just sit and play whenever she asks, but the house is so messy and I just can’t stay on top of it. I blitzed everything over the summer and now it’s just as bad.
She’s started school, so is now doing phonics, we don’t do them everyday, I just genuinely don’t know how to fit it in. I want her to have every chance in life, enrich her life, but how? Where’s the time, the money?
I know I’m rambling and I’m not entirely sure what the point of this post is. Maybe I want someone to tell me how I can be happy, not just putting it on, so that I can give my daughter what she deserves.