Kids. Is it just me who struggles with this?

[ohyesiseethatnow]

Love my kids. Try so hard every day to do my best for them. And I feel like they set out every day to sabotage this.

Current example which has just tipped me over the edge.

Leaving the house last week for a play in the park. Meeting a friend of 6 year old. 8 year old has just started playing recorder and 6 year old wanted to take his recorder music book. I said no. He said he really wanted to because his friend also plays recorder. I explained that that didn’t matter - there is no point taking a recorder book to the park. It’ll get lost or wet or damaged, I don’t want to have to carry it around, I’ve got enough to do.

it was a boring, frustrating, unnecessary arguement. I took it off him and put it on the kitchen side. Told him to get his shoes on etc.

5 mins later, we headed off via the back door. Standing in the porch, I see he has the recorder book hidden in his jacket. We are running late by now so I take it off him and leave it in the porch, to deal with later, and we go to the park.

For the past week, we’ve been using the front door.

This morning, coming home from football practice with 8 year old, via the back door, we come into the porch to be greeted with the sight of his ruined, wet, mouldy recorder book.

8 year old goes mad, furious at 6 year old. 6 year old crying, blaming me for not moving it when we got back from park.

I’m just so tired.

the bloody book hasn’t crossed my mind since last week as to be quite honest, it’s the least of my worries. But here I am, Saturday morning ruined by a bloody recorder book that didn’t need to be there, and will now need for fork out £10 for another one.

its things like this x100, every single day.

i think im fairly competent. I work compressed hours / part time so I can be around….but I still can’t get it right. I don’t have the brain capacity to keep track of all their possessions and I’m just so exhausted by all this nonsense.

No advice just solidarity it’s hard 😭

Replace the book and be greatful you work part time...with a child who wants to look at a music book thab a bloody screen.!

Moody mums who wont and dont let kids take a prized interest or possesion is it worth a arguement..no.
Pick your battles.

Thanks @Canopopglad to know it’s not just me.

@Maisymouse2hhhmm. Not quite sure about your response to be honest.

Not sure how you’ve jumped to the conclusion I’m moody. Also, it’s not his possession, it’s his brothers. But you’re saying I should have just let him take it to the park? And how do you suggest I then deal with the consequences of him losing / damaging his brothers book?

Also, I didn’t actually say either of them like looking at the music book rather than screens. All I said was that one of them wanted to take it to the park because a friend plays the recorder. And the 8 year old is outraged that he’s touched it. Doesn’t mean either of them actually have an interest in the book.

You are so right.

The more you have and the closer t9geyher they are, the worse it is

It does get easier

I once saw a play (sadly I forget the title) about mothers. The strap-line, paraphrased from memory, was: every morning I wake up intending to be Mary Poppins but by eight o’clock I am Cruela de Vil.

It’s not just you. And they will love you regardless of your faults, so try to go easy on yourself.

Thank you.

and yes, being close together in age I’d imagine intensifies the feelings of competitiveness.

The constant fighting over things is so exhausting. They can’t bear to see the other one getting something they’re not, even if it’s something they have no interest in.

Thank you

Yeah. It’s not you. I have a 13 and 11yo. I had a day off with them yesterday (school was shut so I took a day of leave). Neither wanted to do anything (eldest moped and youngest was waiting on doing things with friends). Parenting really can suck balls some days.

Took 6 yo DD out to the pet shop to get her hamster a snack. Ended up with her running out crying as she wasnt allowed to get a pet dog. Should have stayed home today 🤭

I was looking after my 3 year old granddaughter in the week. She asked me “Nanny, do you like fruit” I said that I did so she told me her favourite fruit was oranges. I said mine was apples. She let out a big scream, real tears running down her face, sobbing that my favourite should be Oranges. You’re not going to win OP, kids have their ways of finding things to argue about when there just isn’t any reason. It may be that they’re subconsciously practising for adulthood and all that comes with it or perhaps they’re little fuckers who just like a bit if drama. I’d bin the book and bin the recorder too actually, awful little instruments.

Practical wise, you need to set up drop zones by front and back doors. You could go the extra mile and laminate/pin a polly pocket up with a checklist in - so kids can look and see if they have everything for each day.
Hooks on walls at kid height for their bags and coats to be taken off as soon as they come in
A nice wooden looking storage box , or bench etc if you have the space, for muddy shoes
A plastic box or ikea kallax type thing for paperwork and bits they shed as they come in. Each kid and grown up has a box/tray. Homework can go in, letters, whatever
Same for gloves and hats, it needs a box under the stairs or by the shoes

OP, I feel your pain, I only have one under 2 and one on the way but I am often forgetting to lock the car, front door, misplacing things. Too many things to keep in my brain but I am getting better. It's a shame about the recorder book, 6yo should have listened but not ultimately his fault it got left outside. I would post it through the letterbox next time or just take a minute to unlock the door and chuck it in. They'll laugh about it when they're a bit older and forget before then. Go easy on yourself.

Yep kids are dicks sometimes - it's not you OP x

When things calm down and you can face it, I think you need to talk to the younger one and tell him that this is the line in the sand and he has to stop touching his brothers things. This would not have happened if the book was where it should have been. It’s not his book to show to friends in the park however much he wants to.

It’s a good idea to get some more practical solutions for their stuff. At eight and six they need to take more responsibility for their things. Not the recorder book, that was a series of unfortunate events, but you aren’t wrong that keeping track of all their stuff can be a nightmare.

Read this at exactly the right time! Just about got ready for the big park before (the one that involves travelling), but youngest refused point blank to tidy up their stuff and there was so much arguing and noise that I said if you can't both be quiet, we're not going. So we didn't go.

Now feel terrible and was kind of looking forward to it myself... I say kind of because every trip descends into arguments, noise and chaos. Same shit different place. Like holidays!! 😁

I sympathise op! In the trenches too. 😅

.

I do feel for you - parenting is so hard. At the same time I have found it helpful to rethink things with my DC, particularly around my very challenging, stubborn and headstrong 6yo - to keep my sanity! I read the book “Unconditional Parenting” - well actually listened to it on Audible whilst doing chores as I dont have time to read a book right now!

Anyway the writer really helped me to reframe how I was responding to my 6yo and all his behaviour. One thing was always asking myself “is this bad behaviour or is it inconvenient behaviour”. I found that if I was honest a lot of it was the latter but I was being rigid because I wanted to assert control / didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now. The problem was that being rigid about those things (annoying, time-consuming, frustrating demands, as opposed to genuine unsafe or poor behaviour) meant it carved a dividing line between us and impacted our relationship. Something that really mattered to DS, didn’t seem to matter to me - a message he absorbed.

The main thing the book talks about is prioritising the relationship above all else. The thinking being that when shit really hits the fan and my 6yo is a teenager and exposed to all kinds of scary stuff, above all else I want him to come to me for help, advice etc.

This is a pasted list of the 13 principles in the book which I have pinned up in my fridge! Hope they might be of use to someone.

The 13 principles of unconditional parenting

Be reflective. Examine your own reactions, expectations and reasons for responding as you do.
Reconsider your requests. Ask whether what you're demanding is genuinely necessary or reasonable.
Keep your eye on your long-term goals. Prioritise raising a compassionate, confident, independent person over securing immediate obedience.
Put the relationship first. Protect your connection with your child, particularly during conflict.
Change how you see, not just how you act. View difficult behaviour as an indication of an unmet need or problem to understand, rather than simply disobedience.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Treat children with the same dignity and consideration you would offer adults.
Be authentic. Be human, admit mistakes and apologise when appropriate.
Talk less, ask more. Listen, explore feelings and involve children in finding solutions.
Keep their ages in mind. Have developmentally realistic expectations of children's emotional regulation and abilities.
Attribute to children the best possible motive consistent with the facts. Don't automatically assume defiance, manipulation or bad intentions.
Don't stick your no's in unnecessarily. Say yes when possible and avoid imposing arbitrary restrictions.
Don't be rigid. Be flexible, negotiate and recognise that rules sometimes need adapting.
Don't be in a hurry. Allow time for children to develop, cooperate and work through difficulties.