How to explain to young dc why we are nc with family members

[Notambitious]

Hello looking for some advice to navigate this difficult thing.

Last year a family member went nc with DH and I. They were previously close with our dc and saw them regularly. None of us have any desire to reconcile. Since then they have only seen dc a few times last year and not at all this year. We live fairly busy lives and so it was easy to start with to pass off to dc that we are all busy so haven’t seen them. Now it’s been a while it’s getting more obvious and coming up to Christmas when we normally saw relative a lot we are going to have to say something to dc to explain it, but what? One of our dc has anxiety and will be very upset if we say we’ve fallen out. It’s likely that they will spiral and somehow feel responsible (based on different things that have happened before). Another dc was close to relative and will be very upset that they probably won’t see them any more.

I sort of want to say something along the line of: it’s adult things and nothing to do with them but we aren’t getting on and need some time apart. Does that sound ok? I know I’ve put this off for too long and need to address it now, but I can’t bear the thought of dc being upset!

Does anyone have any advice on what I can tell my dc about why we are nc without going into details?

Thanks.

Sorry I forgot to add: this is on DH side of the family and my IL are not ok with it so I don’t want dc bringing it up to them either.

Are you sure you can’t reconcile? Surely it must be incredibly bad to upset your children like this?

It’s not really up to us; the relative doesn’t want anything to do with us unfortunately. It’s not just us; they have cut off multiple people.

Just tell them that they have made a choice not to contact lots of people who were in their lives and emphasise it was their choice. If they get upset tell them tell them you are all upset including their grandparents. If they ask questions answer them honestly in a 'child friendly' way. Best start the process of telling them now so they can adapt before Christmas, which is a more emotional time for everyone.

Say nothing unless dc say something, if they do just say family member must have forgot, wasn't able to come or whatever, next year will be easier.

Just say nothing, they probably won't even mention it. We are nc with in-laws through our own choice, dc never ask about them.

If they are school age they will be familiar with people not speaking to each other.

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I think I will go with not mentioning anything and just say we are doing different things this year. I hadn’t considered that as an option before so thank you to those who suggested it.

I’m NC with my brother. My DS doesn’t even know I have a brother. It’s just not something that’s ever mentioned.

If he ever asks me about it I’ll tell him the truth but it won’t make any difference as they’ll never meet each other.

I don’t give it a second thought anymore.