How to make the most of time with young children when going back to full time work

[Karma1387]

I am potentially going back to full time work (if the interview goes well) and I am really looking for advice from parents who work full time on how they make the most of their time with the kids.

I have a 2.5 and 7 month old and I only worked 2 days a week with my first so I got loads of time with him. How do I make sure I still have that strong bond and make the most of my time with the kids.

Do people have their kids go to bed later so that they get time with them in the evenings? I have considered trying to have them up until 9ish but I don't want to affect their health with less sleep.

I currently see my dad every week on a weekend should I cut down on this so he sees the kids less but I get more time with them on my own?

Please help a mum feeling extremely guilty about leaving her kids to work full time to make the most of the time she gets with them.

I don't have any specific advice, as all families function differently, but I have worked full time in demanding (but flexible) jobs since I went back after mat leave. My dd is an adult now, and our bond has always been rock solid. We are very close, and we always have been.

Please don't waste your energy on feeling guilty. It achieves nothing, and will get in the way of you enjoying your children. There is no reason to feel guilty about working to provide for them.

My only bit of advice is to ensure that you have techniques for managing your work stress which allow you to be fully present with your kids when you are with them.

You, and they, will be fine.

What about the children's father? Does he work full time? You could ask him for tips?

He isn't really the best person to ask.

Make sure he pulls his weight when you go back, won't you?!

He is going to do drop off and pick up.

That's good. Make sure that he does his share of the household stuff too. Start as you mean to go on!

My tip would be you have your set days each when you can stay late. So my days are Tuesday and Wednesday and there were plenty of weeks I did not get home before bedtime on those days. But I finished early on Monday and Thursday and I was strict about it. So we had a lovely time on those afternoons.

Running out of the office at 6pm, trying to put the kids to bed really quickly because you need to work again is a recipe for stress and feeling guilty.

Also get a cleaner so you can do fun stuff at the weekend rather than catch up on housework! Although if you're not in the house all week it does stay tidier.

There will be 0 staying late. Its not something I am willing to do and thankfully I don't think I would be required to but under no circumstances would I be working past my contracted hours. Its hard enough for me to be going back to full time work.

Cleaner isn't really an option financially but a good point that house should be cleaner as we arent there!

do you like reading?

I don't really get time to read 🤣

If you like it, read to your kids

Just be present with them when you are there is the only advice I would give. My DH has a habit of winding down after work with his phone in his hand, and it doesn't realise how detached it makes him from family life.. he thinks if he is in the room then that is enough!

Me and DD do a lot of things after school like baking/cooking, colouring, going for a walk, chores, going shopping together, watching something together on tv, sometimes I'm knackered but making an effort to include her in what I'm doing, even if it is mundane, really brings us closer, anything can be more fun if you put music on and dance around, turn it into a game etc.

With regards to your dad, it can be a bit of a bind to always have that commitment, can you leave it a bit more loose? My parents are gone, but I see my PIL at least once a week, but it is never at the same time and day, I change it up all the time, that way it is easier to fit in around any plans you may have, is that an option with your dad?

Yeah I will 100% be putting my phone in another room.

To be honest we do a Sunday as he works during the week and we live almost an hour away so tend to make a day of it.

Oh yeah of course I read to my kids everyday their books.

Can he come to you some weeks?

Don't try to pack too much in, have a bit of time to yourself too. Involve them in chores a bit? Join in with their quiet activities if they do them eg do some colouring, blow some bubbles. Watch tv with them, read stories.

He could but he would then only be here for like 2 hours as he hates being in other peoples houses 🤣

I don't care about me time as I have none of that now 🤣 just want to maximise my time with them as it is such a massive reduction.

You can't keep them up till 9pm if they need to be out the door to childcare so you can both work.
Don't put pressure on the limited time you have together. You may want it to be quality time and bonding, but they are little kids who will knackered after a day at daycare and tired, grumpy and at their worst. Remember it's not personal. It's not they aren't pleased to see you, and they aren't throwing your efforts to be a good mum back in your face.
I'd definitely look for more weekends flexibility. Go to your dad's with the kids one weekend, he comes to you the next, you all go somewhere the one after and then you have them alone the final one.

I think the bond between parent and child can withstand a lot.

With that being said, and this won’t be a popular viewpoint on here, I would do anything to avoid full time work with young children, for your sake and theirs.

I think it’s good to think about organising your life to maximise your time, so meal planning and having clothes ready, doing online food shops etc.
Is there any flexibility in hours, can you start and finish early? There would be nights I would get home first and I manically cleaned/tidied/started dinner so it freed up my evening.

My only advise would be to outsource as much as possible of domestic chores - cleaning, cooking, diy, order groceries online - avoid spending your precious time and energy on things that you can pay other people to do. Doesn’t mean every minute should be for the kids, save some for yourself to relax, have a hobby and socialise.

It can work really well, having a job and raising children. You feel really excited about coming home and seeing them because you haven’t been with them all day and it means you make the most of weekends and holidays.
My advice is to try to be 100% present, so be in work-mode at work and home-mode at home and try not to let one blend into the other.
I only had six months maternity leave with each of my children and we’ve always been very close. You can be a great parent and hold down a job, it’s about making sure that each child has some time each day when they’re your focus - a bedtime read and a chat is a good time to do this.

Wow I wish I was earning the money to outsource cleaning and cooking!

My DS started nursery aged 2 exactly and for some reason loves doing 2.5 hour naps there 😂so bedtime is 9pm now, i get a little too much time with him now.