Cannot co-parent with ex

[gonnanamechange4this]

I’d like to know what the next step would be if one parent refuses mediation.

If it goes to court, what exactly happens in court?

For example, I tried too many times now to communicate with father of my child and he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive therefore I’ve had to end the call.

He has said he will go through mediation. Individual from mediation has emailed me. however, if he is unable to communicate with me/talk to me civilly, this is not going to work at all.

Therefore, I have decided it’s in the best interest to decline mediation. For both mine and my daughter’s mental health and well-being.

What exactly are the next steps that can happen if anyone has been through this?

I think you can request not to have mediation face to face. Mine was online and the mediator spoke to us both separately then asked if it was OK to bring us both into the meeting. I'm sure she said she could have kept us both separate and just flitted back and forth.

Also I believe refusing mediation will work against you in court.

Request shuttle mediation

Yep- my partner did mediation online with his ex. They never got to be face to face (she refused). It didn’t work but is definitely possible.

If you decline mediation it looks bad for you. Talk to the mediator and see what they suggest. They will have experience of many similar situations.

Go to mediation. You don't have to actually talk to them.

Don’t decline mediation, let him hang himself. If you are willing to be reasonable, then do it, best case it works and things are sorted without court, worst case they aren’t but you have shown willing.

You can do mediation separately. Mine was on Teams about 5 years ago.

Whoever applies to mediation will be give the C100 form to apply to the family courts.

Block his number and report to the police if he continues.

Yes, you really should do the mediation if you want to present your case well in court as the court actively encourages it.

I also recommend shuttle mediation. You are put in 2 different teams rooms online so no direct communication at all. It may also make the ex more reasonable as they are communicating to a third party. It takes a bit longer to go through it, but definitely would look better for you in court.

My issue is I cannot afford mediation. It’s £100. I don’t have. So I just want to know if I can’t afford it, why it would work against me in court

You have completely changed your reason for not wanting to do mediation.

Thanks, that’s really helpful

I have a multitude of reasons for not wanting to do with it.

I was advised in no uncertain terms not to engage with my ex on the phone, do everything by text or email so there is a trail.

It is worth attempting mediation even if it doesn't work. The only time it is not recommended is if there is evidence of abuse, hence why documenting communication is required.

Mediation is cheaper than court fees. Worth a try.

You can legal aid or vouchers for mediation.

I understand you don't want to do it but unfortunately you will have to if you don't want to cause further issues for yourself down the line.

If child arrangements are part of mediation there is a government grant that covers a large part of those sessions

If you can't afford £100 for mediation, how will you afford court?