AuHD DD friendship isolation

[Motherofblue]

My daughter has had a history of struggling with friendships. So many ups and downs over the years - intense friendships that fizzle, being friendly with lots of girls but never close outside of school, not included in parties or actively excluded, a dominant girl takes a dislike to her and others follow, rumours spreading etc. Girls were never as mean as they seem to be when I was her age! I'd imagine her AuHD has had a part to play in all this.
She's starting to retreat again as problems seem to be following her now she's in sixth form. And when she's upset, she takes it out on us. And when she's not, I get so worried about her, absorbing her problems it kind of takes over me too.
I want to support her in the right way by being her safe space. Does anyone have any advice or resources I can tap into for advice? I'm probably doing everything wrong and know I need to back off and just be there - my instinct is to get too involved I fear!

Hi OP

We're just bumping this for you - hoping some good advice and support is shared soon.

You do have my sympathy @Motherofblue. Did your DD go to Sixth Form at the school she already attended? We found that a completely new start worked out well but then DD was adamant that she didn’t want to do A’Levels and chose a different path.

Have you found the SN Teen board yet on MN? I found that useful when we were going through similar

I would encourage some hobbies outside school so that she can spend time with others (especially with other neurodivergent young people) or build a sense of community. Friendships might come later, either easily if she finds people she clicks with or after time spent on skills, but in the meantime she could experience a sense of belonging in other social groups. Maybe you could go along together to a collage evening or something low energy like that.

First you try to be her friend and talk to her. Know her behaviors and also know the behavioral patterns of her friends or people around her. When you will have a clear concept of all this, it will make it easier for you to judge or prepare a management plan for her accordingly.

Thank you for the tip. I'm new to MN so I will check this out.
It was a fresh start, but local area so lots of familiar faces.
A Levels seem to be ok. It's just the other stuff that seems to be still quite challenging for her.

Thank you for your advice

It's a really good shout - thank for you for advice. Unfortunately she's really hesitant about this. But I guess that could be that the options she's been given are not of interest to her. When she's interested, she's all in - just not found it yet. I might see if the college can help.

One thing that was recommended to me was the book Untangled by Dr Lisa Damour and I did find it really useful.

And welcome to MN

Thanks - I'll definitely read this as looks excellent.

No problem. Do you think she would be willing to look at a book like the Teen Girl’s Survival Guide?

That also looks like a good one, thanks!
I've bought her so many books in the past - but she never reads them, makes a point of it because I encourage her to. If I said "definitely don't read this book" I might have more chance of her reading it! 😂

I know exactly where you’re coming from