6 year old sudden change in behaviour

[TheRedOP]

Sorry for the lengthy post 😭 So my daughter is 6 (7 in a few months) and has just started year 2 at school. She has always been very set on what she wants and has had moments of misbehaving, we had a screaming phase between reception and year 1. Year 1 we had some issues with friendship groups and other mums basically telling me she was this horrible child but her teacher completely disagreed and said other than normal kid behaviour she has no issues with my daughter and she just needs new friends who appreciate her. Her learning is also doing well she is ahead in reading and where she needs to be for everything else. She can be quite bossy but seems to make friends easily when we’re at indoor plays or out anywhere. She was quite well behaved over the summer holidays apart from a bit of attitude here and there. Since she started back at school and gone into year 2 she has completely changed literally from day 1. She is having the worst meltdowns over the smallest things and it’s honestly like she’s having some sort of break down. She has been hitting, screaming and smashing things/trashing her room. It’s like she goes into a rage and wants to destroy anything in sight. It’s not everyday the first week or two it was only once or twice but it’s now becoming more regular. The school has said they have no concerns with her behaviour other than her being a bit too chatty sometimes. She has been saying lots of horrible things too lots of name calling towards us (you’re a freak or a loser) and saying she wants to hurt herself. We are having to now physically hold her when she’s having these meltdowns to stop her from hurting herself or us and have had to remove most things out of her room due to her completely trashing it which is something she’s never done before. I’ve booked a GP appointment but didn’t know if anyone has had anything similar? I’m also going to push for more from the school as it feels like as she is good there they don’t really seem to care too much

has your daughter recently been unwell - something like a cough or cold?

I was going to ask that
Not normal behavior at all and you are quite right to flag it.

Has she shown any signs of being neurodivergent in her early years? Things like hard to potty train, issues wit the texture of food, lots of colic/screaming as a baby? Any signs that her communication style is different eg using long phrases that sound overly mature for her language level, or borrowed?

if Your daughter has been unwell in recent times, please look at this link. It’s Pans/Pandas. One of my nieces has it and she literally changed almost overnight
www.google.com/search?q=pans+pandas+symptoms&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari#lfId=ChxjMe

Thank you all so much for replying!

She hasn’t been unwell recently, I actually can’t remember the last time she was unwell.

She hasn’t shown any unusual signs before she was actually a really good easy baby, she slept well from early and has always been a good sleeper and good with food. She hit every milestone and we’ve never had any concerns with her or her behaviour before. She doesn’t have iPads or any screens like that only normal tv but even then not too much and I monitor what she is watching. Her teacher did say she is quite mature for her age and we do sometimes say the things she comes out with sounds older than she is.

She is very competitive and always strives to be the best (her dad is the same) so I didn’t know if maybe it could have something to do with the jump from year 1 to year 2 and more pressure to get it right? I’m only linking it to school really as it was literally after the first day back we had the first one of these meltdowns. It’s heartbreaking to see such a change in her and the lack of help from the school I just feel lost, it’s like looking at a different child and I’m constantly on edge waiting for the next meltdown. I’ve been keeping a log of them and what set her off, what time it was and what she had eaten etc. but I can’t seem to see any kind of pattern 😩

Gosh sounds very trying all round.
I have a same age child and invariably but the time he gets home from school he's had a full day of holding things in and he just wants to lie on the floor/run around/do nothing/bang things/talk incessantly, anything but what he needs to do.
I think it's quite common for kids to hold everything in at school and explode at home, our senco calls it the coke bottle effect, shake up all day and explode at home.
In the end we just had to ride it out, but I did realise that if the school doesn't know they can't help reduce the pressure, so keep communicating as you are. At one point in reception I pretty much gave a daily report to the teacher and often the senco on how bad things had been at home, but actually just this week he's actually started getting out of bed and having breakfast.
So my recommendation is to make sure the school knows all the gory details, keep SEN in mind, and try to ride it out by reducing demands at home too. Good luck!

A sudden change this big, especially with her saying she wants to hurt herself, is definitely worth taking seriously. It’s good you’ve booked the GP appointment, and I’d keep pushing the school for support too, even if she seems fine there. Something may be overwhelming her that she isn’t able to explain yet.

This sounds tough OP. Sorry you're both struggling so much.

Look up age of adrenarche, there's a bit going on hormonally around 6-8 which can amplify behaviours. Might be helpful.

I was going to ask about PANS/PANDAS. I have had 2 children with it at two separate times. One had a bit of a sore throat all seemed to clear up and then was suddenly hit with some major behavioural changes. The other child never had any noticeable illness symptoms but sudden major behavioural changes. Both had OCD symptoms and hallucinations that they could express but other behaviours they couldn’t express. First line treatment for PANS/PANDAS is a period of 2-3 times a day dose of ibuprofen and daily antihistamines.

I’m glad that you’ve booked an appointment with the GP. It might be worth doing this simple progress checker. Let us know if it says that she needs some support and we can advise you a bit further.

Whilst you wait for the appointment it might be worth reading up on the “coke bottle effect” mentioned by a PP and have a read of 10 days to a less defiant child.

I can totally get your desire to take her straight out of school if that’s feasible as a family but I’d hold off just yet, if it does turn out that she needs assessing for ND, this might actually be easier with the support of the school.

Just wanted to add that it might be worth asking the GP or the SENCO at school for an OT assessment too

Do they test for it? How is it diagnosed if you didn’t know there was an illness?

I think the step up to Y2 can be a real shock. Actually this is the point I started to realise that my DD had genuine differences to others in her behaviour. She was diagnosed with ASD at the end of Y4. But it might not be that, especially if the early years were straightforward. It could just be that she’s struggling with the sudden change in academic expectations . Have you talked to her teacher about it.

I found having a very predictable routine after school very helpful at this age. Same snack every day, same thing we did together after, picking her younger sister up from nursery at the same time etc.

My youngest has a diagnosis of AuDHD. They were a really quiet baby and a fairly decent sleeper too. Like you I think the differences with her peers were becoming much more noticeable at the move to Y2.