How do you know when you’ve finished your family?

[helloy]

Just that really. I turn 31 next week, i had two back to back pregnancies (12 month age gap) my children are almost 2 and almost 3. I adore babies and it saddens me to think this part of my life is over already, my husband is waiting on the go ahead to get a vasectomy, I told him to wait until i was at least 34 however for a few days now I have felt really done, I’ve been working on myself again which I am really enjoying, my kids are so close and adore each other, we have the logistics and financial part in harmony now, so I feel like I am done, but it’s just biologically I feel like I will yearn for another.

How did you know and what number did you stop at?

I have two and I really don’t feel done, we are currently trying for a third. I am one of three and I think this is part of it. I am almost 38 though so I am ok if it doesn’t happen and feel incredibly lucky to have my lovely children. I think if you feel done then that’s great and you should embrace that and enjoy the family you have. I would love to feel that way, it would make life a lot easier and less expensive!

We're "two and through" here. We had always discussed having two children however for a short time after my first was born we actually thought we were one and done (He was a very bad sleeper). Once things settled we decided to try for number two but both agreed there and then that two was our limit. I have a career and also decided to take a year maternity leave both times (my choice) and that also was a factor as I didn't want anymore time away from my career. Other factors for us included our mental capacity for another, we just didn't feel like we had enough to give another child and also the sheer cost of childcare when I returned to work. With a two year age gap I had both in a nursery at one point and... yeah that was hard!

I think when you're done you just know

When my third was born I couldn't wait to get rid of everything baby related. It was glorious. I still have the slightest twinge of wouldn't it be nice to have another one occasionally but then I remember literally every practicality (social life, money, pelvic floor) and lose interest again.

I always wanted 3 or 4 but after my 2nd I just knew I was done. My family felt complete. You just know.

I always knew I wanted 2 children and then I’d be done. My 2nd was about 3 minutes old and I looked at him and I just thought, yes, now that I met you, I know my family is complete. He’s 8 now and I’ve never had another desire for a 3rd. I know that I’m meant to have these two children and they are great and my family is complete.

Agree with this, my second is 6 and pretty much from the moment I first held him I felt 'done' and have never wavered from that. I was 36 though, so older than OP.

I wanted a third for so long! Years really. But we made the decision to have two. My husband was happy with two and I realised I’m really happy with two healthy children that we can comfortably afford. I love having time with them one on one and I know I wouldn’t get as much of that with three.basically we made the decision factoring my husband’s and my children’s needs. I also think I would be tested with three. Doesn’t stop me staring at the baby things in the shops though!

It was a decision made for both us our with our heads and not our hearts. We have 2. would have had lots more children had money not been an object.

Thanks all. Its a tough one, because my second came so soon i almost felt resentful to be pregnant again so soon after my first, and was also trying to rush the newborn stage. (He was hard work, colic and everything). But now i feel like it was done and dusted far too soon and i have years left on my biological clock, and my desire for babies. However my head is straight up no. I was also keen to get rid of everything baby oriented in the hour, and i enjoy moving with the years, but i definitely couldn’t say “i just know” i am done/not done.

It helps reading your replies though.

We had one. That was me done.
She's 15yo now and not one single regret, from any of us

I am expecting my second and know this will be it. I knew when I had to go through IVF that as soon as it worked I was done. I can't put my body back through that again.

My husband and I always said 2, but it took him 4 years after our first was born to consider trying for a second! He found the baby toddler phase very difficult. neither of us has any interest in a third at all.

im one of 3 and always wanted 2…always felt growing up everything was set up for families of 4 and being a 5 was an anomaly. My sister however has always wanted 3 (or 4 or 5 really but she has sensibly decided to stop at 3) so clearly our upbringing affected us differently. My brother has 2, I suspect that’s it but haven’t ever discussed it with him.

I had a miscarriage between 1 and 2

when number 2 was born I felt that someone was missing. That there should have been 2 small children looking at the newbie

when i had number 3 there was no-one missing 🤷🏻

very suck it and see approach 😀

I have 3. I would have more babies if it was the right thing for our family. I would have another in a heartbeat and my youngest is only 1.

but my husband has no patience and doesn’t share childcare with me. He sees them as pets he likes to see a few hours a week.

and also I wouldn’t have time to do phonics with more than 3 kids so it’s not fair on their learning help.

but yeah I will always feel jealous of a pregnant mum or someone holding a newborn. It’s just magical and nothing on earth beats it

2 miscarriages between DS and DD and the impact of that on my ability to enjoy pregnancy and to be fully present with DS.

I can't imagine trying to roll the dice again and having it end in heartbreak. Just not happening.

I knew as soon as my second was born that I was done, despite having thought I'd have 3. We had a girl and boy and another child would have meant 2 of one sex and one of another. We would have needed a bigger house, the costs would have been more, I just did not want to change what we had. I never ever regretted stopping at 2.

To add toy previous post - I had an extremely strong feeling after my first that I wasn't "done" and that our family wasn't complete. I just don't have that same feeling after DD. Since she was born , I have occasionally had a wistful thought about having another. But I don't really want to - it's more about the fact that I am moving on from the little baby chapter of my life.

Realistically, I think I would find managing the dynamics of 3 siblings tricky. It would also make my DD the middle child which I don't want for her. And my husband definitely doesn't want another so there's a whole host of reasons why 2 is the right number for us.

I know I'm done because I don't get sad about not having more babies, I'm looking forward to getting my own space back at some point 😅. Babies are cute, I like babies, I do not want more babies... Or kids.

I felt completely done after dc3, it was like something clicked and I knew she would be the last and I've never felt any yearning for another. I was 42 though (and got pg without fertility help) so biologically it's what nature would have planned for me anyway. I had bigger gaps between my dcs which probably helped, as it meant I could be fully focused on each child and really appreciated their early years. I think in your situation as you are quite young and don't seem sure I probably wouldn't go for the snip as it's not reliably reversible, and there are other long lasting contraceptives (eg copper coil) which are fully reversible if you changed your mind.

I got grief in both pregnancies that I put on too much weight (water retention) and I developed a health condition between children that automatically made me high risk. Whilst I would have loved a third having two was enough for me. It took me until stopping breastfeeding at 2yrs both times to start to feel like me again and not hate my husband or feel touched out

a 3rd would be a baby for such a short while, you need to want another toddler, child and another teenager not just another baby.

I recognise the feeling of the baby stage having been rushed - my partner was extremely ill during DC first year so I was distracted! - but I'm sure everyone feels it to an extent.

make a point of looking at photos and videos and remembering how they each were as babies - where you fed then, how they felt and smelled, things you did.
Those memories will live forever.

I realised when I thought I might be pregnant with a fourth and was horrified. I knew after my first and second that I would like to try for another.

I don’t feel done after 2 but I’m now on the wrong side of 40 and don’t like the statistics related, had secondary infertility and multiple miscarriages between my two children. My children are happy and healthy and I’m eternally grateful for this. Ultimately it came to deciding between the life we have now and the roll of the dice…..I have to count my blessings and think of the lifestyle I want my children to have. I’d also have to go back to work full time when a third child was young and I know I’d regret the time away from them. Wed have to consider moving house, upgrading the car etc. we haven’t quite got the lifestyle we want right now but when my youngest starts school we will have much more disposable income to achieve this.

it still doesn’t make that longing for a third any easier but head has ruled over heart.