Am I encouraging naps in the baby carrier ..

[DG2022]

My 12 week old only has decent naps in the baby carrier. When I try to put him down he maybe stays asleep for 5/10mins then wakes up. He sometimes sleeps in the buggy but I need to stroke his face and comfort him to get him off (which is obviously fine) I’m not sure if I have encouraged this as I also have a 4 year old who is of course noisy and I don’t believe he should have to be quiet several hours a day while bubs naps but if the baby is the carrier he doesn’t wake up with any noise. Even when my 4year old is at nursery baby still wakes up when put down. Trying to clean a whole house and do everything with baby on me is now taking is toll. My hip is really sore at the moment. Am I encouraging baby to nap in carrier by keep going with it, should I try something else or is it just a phase I should push through?

Why are you doing everything on your own? Are you a single parent?

Maybe it's more comfortable for him, maybe he has a bit of gas or something. You're just responding to his needs and doing the best you can for him. I'd just let him sleep, they change so quickly, it may well just be a phase anyway.

babies have been carried throughout history. It’s perfectly normal for them to sleep contentedly in the carrier held by their mum but wake up if put down. It’s been a survival mechanism that has kept the human race alive throughout history.
Trying to go against this is likely to be very hard work for you all. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. Your baby will not be little forever and you won’t be carrying them around when they’re 12.

for what it’s worth my oldest two were like this. They napped elsewhere by the time they were bigger and now sleep in their own beds all night.

No I have a partner who works full time. Given I am at home all day though, I want the house to be clean and don’t expect him to have to come home at 6pm and start cleaning. He helps with everything and has the baby 8pm - 12 every night so I can get a solid of block of sleep in. He normally cuddles bubs but also has better luck getting him down than I do. Not sure if that’s because of the time of night and that the house is quiet as me and my 4 year old are in bed.

Thanks for the reassurance 😊

I agree with @nbvxsefc that it is normal for babies to be most comfortable when they are being carried.
Could you get a back carrier?

If you can I’d highly recommend a visit to your local sling library! They can help make sure your sling is well fitted to both of you which makes so much difference when baby wearing a lot.

If your current carrier is uncomfortable they can loan you some others to try out too.

I do understand, I’ve got four kids and have been baby wearing for years at this point. My eldest two I wore loads. Especially my second, he basically lived in it for the first year of his life! He could not be put down ever and would never stay asleep if he wasn’t on me.

My third baby was a lot more chilled and happy to sleep in his moses basket etc but I still wore him a lot as it’s practical when you have two other kids to chase after. If baby wearing a lot meant that you’re making bad habits then he is the proof this is a load of rubbish. It’s their personality that drives a lot of this. Some babies are like him, they’ll happily sleep in the carrier but they’re also happy to sleep independently too. Others are like my other children who will only sleep if Mummy is holding them.

Sat writing this with my fourth baby asleep in my lap. He also lives in the carrier! You aren’t making bad habits, some of them are flexible and easy going about sleep. But most of them aren’t! There’s not much you can do to influence this in my experience and if you try it just leads to upset and exhaustion for you all. The cuddles are precious and they’re little for such a brief time.

Holding my babies close is protective for my mental health too. Knowing they are safe and content beats them upset and me struggling.

Also, your home doesn’t have to be immaculate. Part of having more than one child is you have to learn to let things go a bit unfortunately. Be kind to yourself. Let your baby sleep in the carrier if that’s what works. Do what you can with the house work and accept the rest is fine how it is.

Agree, once they’re big enough back carrying is the game changer. Something else a sling library will be happy to help with!

we are weird here in the west with our views about how to raise babies. It flies in the face of our evolutionary past and motherhood gets much easier when you start doing things the “old fashioned” way!

I agree, what is to fix?

It’s fine. Just keep going. Mine always slept on me or in the sling at that age. Or the car. They eventually transitioned to sleeping in the pushchair. We never did naps in the cot because I didn’t want to be stuck at home all day. It caused no issues. They transitioned to naps at nursery just fine and they went to bed at night fine too. Sit and enjoy the peace, have a drink and a snack. If it’s working, keep doing it.

Most people don’t just go to work and come
home and relax. If he was single then he would still have cleaning to do.

He doesn’t just come home and relax. Did you read my reply? He does more than his fair share. Respectfully, my post had nothing to do with how much my partner does.

Super normal OP! My DD was like this, took until about 6 months old for her to comfortably nap in her cot 😅embrace it, but do make sure you have a properly fitted carrier!

I'd second this. Currently nursing my soon to be 12 week old, third baby.

Our options for sleep are;

• DH has her in the carrier - she'll fall asleep in minutes and easily nap for 2+ hours
• I have her in the carrier and she screams for 30-40 minutes then eventually drops off for 5-20 minutes
• I nurse her to sleep and then stay holding/lying with her - she'll nap for 45-60 minutes
• Someone spends 40 minutes rocking/bouncing/walking with the pram in until she eventually drops off for max 20 minutes.

In any of the above scenarios if you try to transfer/put her down/stop what you were doing when she dropped off she will mostly wake 5-15 minutes later.

Now to me, one of the items on that list is max reward for minimal effort compared to the others. So rather than making her naps a full time job, we're leaning into the easiest option which is that she goes in the carrier and has a good long stretch. Appreciate we are super lucky DH WFH in a desk job and it's no bother for him to wear the baby whilst he types away at spreadsheets.

Do appreciate it's tough on the hips though and hard to get other stuff done especially if it involves bending, squatting or stretching. We've all massively reduced our expectations of what the house will look like, how many outings we manage etc during this period. Things change so fast and whilst it feels long when you're in it it really won't be forever. You got this xx

Oh a sling library, I didn’t know that was a thing. I’ll take a look. My first was never in the sling and would nap anywhere so all new to me. People can’t help make comment that the baby won’t nap anywhere else if I keep him in the sling but he’s in the sling because he won’t nap anywhere else 😂 Unbelievably he napped in his next2me for nearly 2 hours this afternoon! That’s a first.

It’s true regarding the housework, I just find it so hard to settle or do anything when I know things need done. I annoy myself!

I didn’t mean any of this an attack on you. I was wondering why you felt the need to clean the whole house yourself. I will leave your thread now as I’ve obviously not helping you feel better.

I absolutely love that he has baby in the carrier while working! Perfect set up.

I totally don’t mind having him in the carrier but bending down etc is so hard. My knees hurt too. I think I need to pay more attention to how I’m moving my body and not rush everything. I also live in a townhouse so have 3 sets of stairs.

Thats so true and that is why I kept doing carrier naps as it’s not worth all the effort for 10min nap. Thanks x