How do you do it ALL?

[wingingiteveryday]

Serious question as sometimes I feel I’m really failing at life.

Mid 40s, husband, 3 children, pets, full time job (mostly from home) and there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the week. Husband works long hours outside of the home plus 1 weekend a month so most of the household stuff naturally falls to me. The place is always a mess to the point where I avoid play dates and the like.

I struggle through the week with work and school runs and activities and doing what I can chores-wise and then the weekend comes and I have to choose between fun stuff and getting the house in order. Today I chose fun family time and as a result I am looking around at an absolute bomb site and I can’t even relax.

I try to work out when I can and do some skincare but honestly i am very rarely nicely put together and by the time I collapse into bed s_x is the last thing on my mind so that side of things suffers too.

I feel like I’m always in waiting mode. Like let’s get this week/month/year out of the way and things will be less chaotic but it never is. Even with money I feel really
behind my peers as I am always living pay day to pay day despite earning decent salaries.

I’m not looking for sympathy here, I know a lots of people are in the same boat or worse just genuine real life advice/tips from those who have their lives a bit more ‘together’

I don’t think anyone can do it all. Those who are either have one parent working less and picking up the slack or they can afford cleaner/gardener etc or they have family that will see to kids / clean house. It will get easier as your kids get older.

I don’t think it’s possible either. We have two DCs and I work 4 days a week and am struggling. I couldn’t work full time, let alone adding a third DC into the mix too.

I think FT with 3 plus pets is a lot, especially if you don’t have a cleaner and / or grandparents or other help. I worked 4 days until my DC were teens, always had a cleaner sometimes 2-3 times a week and have a lot of grandparent help. but work in the city with 1 hour commute each way. Also very long hours and stress but high earner.

Sorry OP I guess that wasn’t very helpful. In terms of tips, could you get the DC to help a bit more on a Saturday morning to tidy up and get laundry done etc so you can all enjoy the day together? How old are they?

I think you have to lower your standards a bit. I only work part time yet I only just keep on top of things, and I say only just. I only have one DC.

I don’t think it’s possible either. I’m mid forties with two kids, a pet and dependant mother and I’m constantly chasing my tail. I work full time, Saturday is my cleaning and admin day and Sunday is my family day. I’m forever apologising “for the mess” when people come round but honestly, no one cares. Unless you have help, it’s impossible to keep on top of everything. Cut yourself some slack @wingingiteveryday.

The robo vacuum mops have been game changing for me. Pop it on three times a week, and the floors are always clean and shiny. I have big baskets to hide clutter I haven’t had time to put away properly, and it’s then quick and easy enough to wipe down the kitchen, dining table, coffee tables etc so the downstairs is always okay enough for guests.

The rest I’m not sure - no beauty routine, no time to exercise (apart from dog walking), and I only bother doing my hair for office days so I rarely look put together outside of that either

1. I've said NO to any and all pets and I stand my ground on that. I know I will be the one looking after them and I can’t add another living being on my to do list.
2. I have a much more present DH. He's home at 4.30 every day (I work longer hours).

How old are the kids? Are they at an age where they can and should help with some of these things? Do you have good storage to hide tidy things in?

I don’t think it’s possible, I’m one of 3, (3 in 4 years 🤯) both DM and DF worked full time, BUT as a child we had a full time nanny, a cleaner 3 days a week and a gardener. We also went to boarding school when old enough.
DH and I have one child and both work 4 days a week (nursery 3 days), I occasionally work away, we have a cleaner, a robot vacuum and robot lawn mower!

I don’t know of any families of 3 + kids where both parents work full-time, and the only parents I know working full time with less than 3 kids, either have significant grandparent help or a full time nanny. I’ve got 2 friends who use school/nursery and then have a nanny as well to work round after school evenings, sickness, holidays as both parents work away a bit and have “big jobs” in London.

If you are surviving it all with just you and DH then I honestly don’t know how you manage it!
I think though other than a robot vacuum and lawn mower, a slow cooker, online food shop, outsourced laundry are your friend 🤣 I try to do our laundry but when it gets too overwhelming I just send it to the launderette!