Bad behaviour after school?

[Ptoo0t]

DS Just started reception. Noticing of an evening he is letting off a lot of steam

When I say bad behaviour I mean hitting his sister, and me. Throwing things. Biting and the one swear word he knows he constantly shouts!*

(*NB: yes major mistake but we were on the middle of a zebra crossing and a car came speeding over it so I did go oh fuck🤦‍♀️ as I pulled my kids back away from the complete idiot driver!)

How do i help this im really drained after school pickup and his little sis is 2.5 so doesnt fully understand why hed come back acting like this. She gets sad :(

Im new to school life and hes on the pathway for a assessment so I am trying to keep things calm but routine for him as possible. But after school is really tough he really acting up

Sorry to hear you’re struggling with this. It is very normal for school starters. I believe the term is ‘restraint collapse’ whereby they have been following rules all day and this leads to them then unable to keep it together when they get home, to a safe space and safe people. Have a chat with him, he will understand. Maybe build in 30 minutes of chill time (non screen if possible) and a fun snack after school? It will pass soon 🙏🏽

I would not underestimate hanger. Mine get a handful of nuts and a banana after school the second they are through the school gate.

Thank you yes we limited screens Overall really , 1x 25/30 min episode of something a day on a tv we do not have ipads nd no access to YouTube

Okay thank you I bring a snack but he does mention as soon as were in more snacks and dinner etc! Need to bring more i think as we walk too x

My son did the same. He masked all day at school, he was not one bit of a trouble there but when he came home he was horrid. He was like a bottle of pop that had been shook all day and then the lid removed when he got home. They say it's a "good sign" as they feel comfortable with you doing it but it certainly doesn't feel like it. He is 20 soon & i still remember how much I dreaded the few hours after school. (He was diagnosed AuDHD at around 7/8)
I just learnt to leave him be. Minimal talking, I didn't ask about his day ect as that just annoyed him even further.
Also to add i always brought him a snack after school and if he wanted another when we got in I let him. But i usually always had their tea ready before hand and they had it within half hour of getting home.

Yep noticed hes doing role-playing of school as a game with little sis but lots of it is including the rules and what teachers tell them to do etc

Do you have to go straight home? It sounds like he needs to run around in fresh air and unwind after school rules all day then eat a massive carby proteiny snack and listen to an audio book or do something he enjoys but doesn’t feel like school - magnet tiles or something. Or big hearty snack first then a walk or run around. My DC has always been famished after school and life is nicer for everyone if she eats asap then unwinds in her own way - climbing a tree or listening to music and dancing it out.

So much happens in the school day and it’s normal for them to be absolutely exhausted which doesn’t present as sleepiness but manic energy and in his case lashing out. Horrible for all of you at the moment but I’d go back to basics of filling healthy food, fresh air, physical activity, healthy outlets for his overwhelm then something calm like stickers, drawing, music, play dough, whatever grounds him.

Definitely agree with more snacks - and properly substantial things, not just a light snack. My DS leaves various bits of his school dinners so I’m not sure he eats much at school.

Really early nights… my DS is just exhausted after school (he’s in Y1). He’s sleeping 12 hours some nights… it was more like 11 hours over the summer before school started again. He goes to bed at the same time as my 2.5 year old.

Kids are expected to behave like robots in school.
Sit still
Be quiet
Do this task
No running
Slow down

Then when they come home they let it all out. 😭
Mixed with tiredness and hunger, its a free for all. And completely normal.
It will get better.
Being in school is hard.

I would give my little man a healthy snack (chopped fruit and biscuits at 3.30pm) and a drink as soon as he got home and it helped.
🍎 🍪

Also hug a pillow or get his silliness out and move around as hes been pent up all day.

Have you got house rules pinned up?
It helped my wee one. 💯
Also a picture of calming techniques (sat down, hug a pillow etc).
Sometimes we use noise cancelling headphones etc. 😌
Or he may need to dance/run/wiggle his energy off and stim.💃
Then a good routine of bath-book-bed, and an early night for decent sleep is so beneficial. 😴

ETA: Is he being assessed you say?
It will get better 🫂
Sending hugs OP @Ptoo0t

My DS just started reception too and his mood/behaviour after school has been pretty turbulent compared to usual. So far to help i really let him take his time on the way home, we walk slow, he has a snack in the car, he takes his sweet time getting out the carseat when he gets home, then another snack and complete free play where nothing is expected of him. I make dinner nice and early so it's ready before he's losing his mind over it too. I'm also pretty flexible about baths and won't force it if he's having a hard time as that just make things so much worse.

I recommend a firm consequence for the hitting though to nip that in the bud and the swearing for that matter. My DS hit his dad and me, pulled his hair etc and refused to apologise. He was given a warning of if he did it again he'd lose his sunday youtube time (he's only allowed it once a week), he did it again and lost it, this week there's been no lashing out so that did the trick! He knows he'll be allowed youtube tomorrow because he hasn't been hitting this week (it was very unlike him anyway).

I make up a little snack box with some veg sticks / fruit / maybe a babybel or something and then a few mini Maryland cookies, and a drink. Then something that calms her - for my eldest, colouring, and my youngest (pre-school so not quite the same yet but still struggles after a day of rules!), it’s having her cuddly toys out to chat to.

Not too much conversation really until they’re ready, and just snack, hydrate and a regulating activity. First half term by far the worst IME!!

My kids are exactly the same. Eldest now in Y1 and is definitely improving but still delicate and easily upset after school. My pre-schooler does a few days a week at school nursery and he's a wreck by the end of the day.

Spring-Autumn we used to go to the park some days afterschool but since my youngest started at the school nursery I find it's just too much for them.

What's working for us at the moment is going straight home and sitting down at the table with a snack plate (something like toast or crumpet and some fruit) and glass of milk for both kids and whilst they eat that I read a book to them. Seems to calm everyone down nicely for a while. They then usually do something like drawing/colouring in/stickers/playdoh at the table or we play a board game together before they move onto their toys.

I would also suggest if there is anything that could keep your 2.5yo occupied for a few minutes, use that time to reconnect with your older child. Even if it's just a cuddle on your lap and a quick chat about his day at school, he'll appreciate having all your attention.

It’s tough Op. and absolutely a case of trial and error.

I have four.

twins, one fine, one an absolute riot at school. I mean they called me every day. Brilliant outwith.

Then DC3. Riot in and out of school.

DC4. Never a riot, almost embarrassed by siblings. Needs a nap after school.

my bests friends son is a brilliant example of this. Absolute darling at school and with others (except she and I as I have him after school half the week).

he needs silence, just to go and sit on the swing, or walk my dog round the garden, or read now 7.

The frustration for my friend is nobody at school or family is interested because he is so compliant and masks so well they do not believe her. And that’s so hard.

Sorry haven’t RTFT but look up after school restraint collapse. Very common at this age even for NT children.

What I do is snack on way home (always the same so reliable and no surprise). 30 minutes after school on the sofa with tv on. No questions. No pressure. Time to decompress. It works 👍

Thank you all so much for the advice <3

Definitely need a heartier snack! Our walk home isnt too long where it'd tire him but its a good amount of extra outdoor time and he loves looking for bugs and currently the changing leaves - autumn treasures he calls it :)

So i feel he seems okay walking back the chaos starts when we're in and I just encourage free play but I do need to distract my youngest bless her. Not her fault but she misses her big brother so really wants to play be close when hes back and i think that frustrates him a bit and he cant handle it

Also dinner earlier!

All these tips very handy thank you