Worrying my only child is struggling socially and I have failed him

[bookwormboymum]

Hi all, looking for advice. Mum of a 6 yo only boy. I got pregnant when he was 3 went panic and got it terminated without giving it time. Have been regretting it. I didn’t have a good experience with postpartum and was way too worried. Now I feel like I am constantly worrying for DS and projecting it on him. He doesn’t have many friends. Happy to play on his own but I keep constantly noticing how his friends are not talking to him during school pickups and neighbours kids ignore him as he is busy doing his own things. I might have suggested him to change the way he behaves to be liked by friends which I regret now. Can’t stop thinking it would have been better if he had someone to play with. Parents of only could you pls let me know how do you deal with the pain of your kid being rejected. He says things like he is scared of joining a group of well known kids he always plays with. I can’t stop thinking if my constant criticism failed him and he is struggling. We didn’t get a single play date invite so far. I tried arranging some and never got responses.I thought he would have loads of friends before making that decision now I know how wrong I was. Sorry for the rant but how do you deal with it looking for help.

“ I might have suggested him to change the way he behaves to be liked by friends which I regret now.”

Did you? If you only did it once he’ll probably forget very quickly, if you’ve done it repeatedly you need to stop and begin reassuring him you love his personality.
What happens when you go to the local park after school? Have you spoken to his teacher? Does he do any afterschool activities/clubs? These can be very useful as it’s a different dynamic to school. Beavers, martial arts, an art class etc.

Gently, I think you need some professional help with your emotions around your termination, and worry. This would benefit you and also him.

If a personal anecdote would reassure - my son has Asperger’s and I really worried a lot about friendships when he was young as his personality was so dissimilar to many (eg loathed football, would turn his school tie in to a cravat, would talk the hind legs off a donkey about his special interests whether the other child was interested or not, came across as quite good and clinical), I even worried about him never having a girlfriend or wife if they couldn’t see below to his loveliness. Anyway…he actually found his own path really well, and whilst his degree and job is very niche he has good friends and loves to be sociable.