Torn about trying for a second child and the age gap

[Honeybee19892]

Can anyone relate to considering ttc 2nd child but also torn. I was planning to get coil removed end October and daughter is nearly age 2. I am nearly age 37.5 so have my age to consider. I honestly feel like waiting until my daughter is closer to age 3 as by then a bit more independent, more likely potty trained etc. I would prefer around 3.5 year plus age gap between 1st and 2nd child

Not sure if I am reading too much into a perfect age gap however. Some people end up with even smaller age gap and make things work but I am nervous about the juggle of 2 kids. My daughter is easier day to day than 6 months ago so I am starting to imagine I could handle pregnancy. She doesn't need to be held as much & starting to communicate which will get stronger closer she gets to age 3 and I guess I still have time to get on with potty training.
Honestly the first year and a half I found parenting, work, juggling nursery sickness etc overwhelming so couldn't imagine being ready to ttc then.

Did anyone else have similar nerves about ttc 2nd child but things worked out fine in the end?

Replying in a bit of a rush but just to say we have 3.5 years between ours and it works well. 😊 I'd hoped for a smaller gap but you can't always predict these things!

That's good to hear. Around 3.5 years does sound a lovely gap

I have a 3 year age gap between all of mine and it’s perfect, I would just get the coil removed and start trying as you may not conceive straight away

I have bang on 3 year gap and it’s worked really well
for us. I loved having that last year (aged 2) with my first, then he was a bit more independent when the baby came. Plus still napping on my first, exhausted trimester so I napped when he did! They are close enough in age to play together

I am in the same position. I’m 37 with a 20 month old. Following to see what responses you get.

I'm 40 and pregnant with our third. First is 8, second is 4. The 4 year age gap has been lovely in terms of my ability to give them plenty of attention, and they are really close. But they have very different needs and it's hard to find activities etc that work for everyone.

Our age gaps are a function of fertility rather than planning. Honestly, I'd just get on with it, and you end up with the age gap you end up with. Closer is nice as they can treat them as a unit as they get a bit older, further apart is nice as it's easier to cope and give them attention. But realistically in your late thirties it could take a while. We actually started TTC number 3 when I was 37 and number 2 was still a baby. We had just decided to call it and stick at 2 kids the month I turned 40, so naturally that was when I got pregnant. 😂

I guess my point is that you can't really control it, just start trying and there will be benefits/drawbacks to any age gap.

Given your age I wouldn’t hang about. It takes longer to conceive as you get older and you might have an early menopause.

I’m 37 with a 2yo, and I just had a miscarriage so I’m very aware you can’t really plan these things! Got pregnant immediately, would’ve been a 2.5yr gap had things worked out.

If you would like a second DC, I would TTC and see what happens. Good luck, hope all goes well!

There's no "perfect" age gap. And you might not get the age gap you plan for as a lot of is out your control with conception etc. What works for one person, might not for another and lot of depends on the personality of your children, sleep, support etc. I really wouldn't read too much into it.

I have pretty much exactly 3 years between mine. Was 37 when I feel pregnant with my second and concieved very quickly and generally it's all been good!

I wouldn’t get too in your own head about age gaps. It’s tricky for the first few months and then you get into the swing of things. I have a two year gap between mine and it’s hard sometimes but it’d be hard sometimes regardless of their age gap 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t overthink it too much - easier said than done, I know. I suspect there are loads of pros and cons for any age gap. If you think about it, we all only really know the exact children we have and the age gaps we have between them. There’s know way of knowing how things might have been with different children or different gaps.

I have 22m between 1 and 2, and another 22m again between 2 and 3. So, 3y 8m from start to finish. I think it’s a great age gap (obviously 😂). For me, if I imagine not having the middle child, I can see that things might practically be a little bit easier for me, but I don’t think the children would share the same activities or interests for quite a long time.

I think I’d probably just get the coil out and see what happens at 37yo:

I ended up with a 2y age gap, got pregnant second month TTC aged 36. Took me longer with DC1 so I was surprised - I was hoping for 3y gap as everyone advised it! I'd make the same decision again tbh - you can't know how long it will take and we felt so grateful not to have any fertility issues.

A 24 month age gap was really hard for us (dd1 had ASD which wasn't apparent til then but was a real handful as a toddler) physically and also financially, BUT my friends with similar gaps managed fine. Growing up they have been close, similar interests and could do everything together. Lots of happy 3y age gaps too. There's no perfect age gap and since you know you definitely want another child and there is no important reason to wait, I would go for it now.