Hi,
Recently been feeling like I'm trying my best and not good enough.
I think it's maybe just how I am at the moment, but today its hit me more and I'm not sure why, me and my ex husband split up nearly 4 years ago and last 2 years since everything fully doing things and occasions on my own ( he does his with the kids) but I have this real need to try and do things how they have always been before everything and I try my best but at the moment I'm struggling and my kids don't expect a lot but I think it's the pressure I put on myself and yesterday just feel like I'm failing I got everything my son had given me ideas for and something's are not cheap he likes books and that what he wanted but just this feeling like this not enough, got up and did the things we always do and I just feel emotionally drained.
He didn't want to go to school and I've never been that parent as he always loved school when younger and had a tougher time teenager years and just changed school to start year 10 he's struggling but trying to be positive with him and for him and now I feel guilty for not giving him the day off because I'm like we have never done this and I don't want to start ect he's a good student and the mum guilt is just kicking in, should I have just let him have it off and him be happy as he struggles socially and now I'm just upset with myself that it's his birthday and I don't want him to have a bad day.
We have plans later, my daughter is surprising him by coming back from uni to be here for him and having a take away what he's asked for and to do what he would like.
I feel more emotional that my in laws haven't brought him a card around, as the last few years things seem to be getting further away even though I have tried to keep things as ' normal' as possible.
I just don't know why I'm feeling so lost with myself
I feel guilty I'm always at work which I need to be for my mortgage ect trying to spend time with my son as he doesn't have alot of people, his dad is in his life but has moved away so he sees him one / two weekends a month and it's just usually me, my son and daughter.
I just feel I'm not giving them everything I should be, I want to be the 110% mum and I try to be that for both of them.
Does this feeling get any better?
I'm the one my daughter rings to for advice and how to fix things in her uni accommodation, helps her budget everything and always trying to help her with anything she needs.
I just feel it isn't enough at the moment and today just hitting harder with my son.